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Additional chapters in This Section include:
MTF Transition Success: Making the Biggest Decision of your Life
MTF Transition - Detailed Guide
MTF Transition - Deciding to do it or Not
How Long Does it Take to Successfully Transition?
Hope for Anyone: What I looked like before transition
Hormone Therapy MTF Transsexuals
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The Five Most Common Mistakes of Beginning Transsexual Women
And How to Avoid Them…
There’s a few common mistake new girls often make at the start of transition. I made ‘em, others made them - I just don’t want you to also make them.
I discuss the value of finding a physical mentor - a role model - if you will. However, your physical transformation is only a small part of becoming female. Amazingly, it’s probably the easiest part. That’s saying a lot because its expensive, time consuming and grueling to develop a suitable feminine form.
Just keep in mind: happiness doesn't have a gender - nor does love.
Common Mistake #1: Putting Beauty Ahead of Electrolysis
The most common mistake made with transition plans is putting feminization & beauty surgeries ahead of completing electrolysis. Electrolysis sucks! It’s very painful, creates tons of swelling, is very expensive and time consuming. However, it’s still the only effective means of permanent facial hair removal. Lots of girls - including me - skipped this necessity assuming intensive laser would do the trick then jumped to FFS and breast implants.
Smooth facial skin is a crucial element for a convincing feminine presentation. It makes pores appear smaller. It makes skin appear less ruddy. It’s the essence of feminine beauty.
The biggest nightmare of holding off completing electrolysis before FFS, breast augmentation and / or going full-time is that you have to let your facial hair grow out a bit before each electrolysis session.
Do you know what a nightmare that is if you’re already full-time?
You don’t want to know, GF: Finish the electro first - it’s a key to transition success.
Common Mistake #2: Thinking “being a girl” is going to make you happy
Without a doubt, one of the overwhelming mistakes made by beginners is thinking transition is going to “make you happy”.
Rather, it will likely resolve a singular longstanding issue in your life. Some of us tend to start pointing at everything good in our life before transition as coming from “her”. The bad stuff? We heap all that on "him". Such logic a complete farce and trap - good and bad happens to everyone regardless of gender.
Make no mistake: transition won’t make you happy. In fact, the process is one of the loneliest and challenging pathways known to human kind plus it’s financially devastating. If you face issues with depression before transition? You’ll test new boundaries with doldrums along this way.
Transition will not "make you happy". If successful - which is unfortunately still rare in our community: a post-transition life can be very fulfilling. Unfortunately, the ten years leading to that success are often devastating.
Reminds me of an old biblical quote: “Everybody wants to go to heaven - but nobody wants to die”.
Common Mistake #3: Obsessing over all things transgender
Another common mistake many of us make when we start transition is obsessing about all things transgender. It’s only natural: we’re excited.
However, we don’t realize it’s “all we talk about” - and that bores the hell out of friends, causing them to draw away from us - at the exact time we need them most.
Remain conscious how often you’re doing “tranny talk” - even with other transgender women. Transition is a state of change - not a destination.
Move on - as fast as you can!
Common Mistake #4: Thinking men are the defining source of whose female
Another trap many of us get caught thinking is that if men find us appealing and want to sleep with us? We’ve arrived as women.
Early in my own journey, I slept with more different men than I care to recall. The irony? I eventually discovered my sexual orientation was still directed towards women - where it was before I started trans-ing. However, being intimate with a man…being desired by a man? Those experiences made more feel more feminine: more validated.
Men don’t define whose female: they’ll hump your leg when you look hot - and they’ll hump your leg in the checkout line at Kroger when you’re not wearing any makeup and your hair’s a mess.
Who determines if you’re now really a woman?
So if men don’t define the essence of becoming female: who does? Is it other full-time trans-women? No - but they’re sometimes a decent measure of immediate term progress.
Who defines women?
You’ll know you’ve arrived as female after you’ve developed lots of close born-women friends and they completely embrace you as a woman. That process takes time but listen closely to the gate keepers as you grow.
The biggest mistake beginning trans-women make in building friendships with born women include:
1. Taking compliments too literally: A big part of female culture is built around saying positive things about other women. It’s an opening for you to return a compliment - not bask.
2. Talking about yourself too much: By default, women are trained to listen to ego-talk more than men. Men notoriously talk about themselves more than women. Women can talk as much or more - just not so much about themselves. Follow their cue: listen…and learn.
3. Don’t hit on them: There is nothing more distasteful than an unwanted advance from someone you perceive as a friend. Don’t get caught up in that “best of both world’s” rhetoric. Be a friend. Stay classy.
Common Mistake #5: Thinking you’ll be the equivalent of a born-woman after GRS
Becoming post-operative is a pinnacle many trans-women dream about over a lifetime. It’s often a culmination of achievement and will solve lots of legal and emotional entanglements with your former male identity. However, it won’t suddenly cause the world or potential partners to embrace you as 100% female. Let’s face it, unless you make you're living as a stripper: who will know the difference anyway?
Being totally embraced as a woman is determined by your femme confidence, style, and heart. It takes a long time to achieve and can’t be bought by surgery. Don’t get trapped into thinking GRS will be a game-changer in this regard. That surgery is primarily for you - not others.
The Definition of a Successful Gender Transition
In today's world of immediate access to on-line pharmacies providing HRT without a prescription & hoards of gender-bender tips sites, transition is easier than ever to begin. Starting...is by far the simplest part.
That...is a whole lot tougher.
In the best of circumstances, a gender transition is very difficult. However, if you’re forced to start your journey as a fairly masculine guy as I did? It's extremely challenging.
I'm going to be straight with you. If you're not naturally slim, trim & femme? Successfully transitioning won't be easy. In fact? Finishing transition when you're starting so far out in the rough is sometimes almost impossible. If I had to do it over again? I couldn’t: it nearly killed me and I'm convinced I used-up all my nine-lives. I wouldn’t wish such a tough journey on my worst enemy: it’s that overwhelming.
However, I’ve witness girls that were only 5’2 and naturally stunning fail miserably at a gender transition against an oversized gal standing 6’5. Why’s that? It’s because the most important prerequisites for success have almost nothing to do with your physical stature.
I’m happier now: more joyful than ever before. The process of getting where I am today: of finishing transition? That was brutal.
Common Reasons We Feel a Strong Need to Change Genders
Along with the mental condition that causes us to need to manifest an alternative gender, there’s a number of social & personal influences that tend to make us want to go further.
If you’ve already spent years crossdressing and going out in public? It’s not uncommon to feel a strong desire to transition, by default.
I call this “transitionitis”.
I hate “removing” the girl
A common motivating factor is the despair following removing your female get-up & transforming back to your male self. Every part-time trans-girl knows and hates this moment. Sometimes makes you want to cry, no? Having to take her off can be so depressing - don’t want the fairy tale to end. It’s only natural you would consider keeping this imagery alive forever.
Resolving this frustration is akin to a person learning to love their body if overweight. You must learn to look past the outward image and see the girl beneath your reflection 24/7. Make no mistake: this is a valuable life skill, regardless - particularly if you go further with transition since you’ll face conditions that make you feel “ugly”.
Learning to adore yourself: just the way you are - is one of life’s greatest lessons.
I Want to be Prettier
Another common trap is wanting to go further because we want to be with gender “prettier”.
Early on, I never worried a great deal over trying to look extra pretty - accepted my lot amongst t-girl mediocrity and just tried enjoying spending more time as a girl. Later, I found myself scrutinizing every flaw - and hating it. I even got sensitive to even minor comments regarding my beauty - or lack thereof.
Being pretty is a trap: there’s no way to “win”. Most women obsessed with beauty become ugly on the inside. My suggestion? Focus on trying to become a beautiful female soul - the sort of caring, good listener every man or woman loves to be around.
In the end?
That will make you prettier than your wildest dreams.
I Want Real Breasts!
Okay, I’m completely with you on this one. There’s not a part-time trans girl on the planet that doesn’t dream of having her own full-sized breasts: goes with the turf: clothes fit better, cleavage is easy to achieve and it's totally female.
I became very skilled at providing the illusion of C-Cups from zero flesh just by shading & using tape. Adding breasts is a monumental life change. If and when you successfully transition to full-time - you’ll take down this vision.
Trans-community Pecking Order
Make no mistake, there’s an unwritten code that causes some transsexuals to feel above part-time girls. You’ll hear: “Oh, she’s just a crossdresser.” You’ll also sometimes hear a transsexual woman say: “I can’t stand cross dressers”.
Thus, it’s only natural you might want to evolve beyond this reduced imagery.
Part of the negative comments are rooted in a transsexual’s reality.
Let me explain…
When a cross dresser represents herself to the world as “transgender” and proceeds to post risqué photos on-line - those actions impact friends or work associates of full-time transsexual women. Its similar to how some deep-south, trailer-trash diva affects the image of other rural southern folk when she appears on Jerry Springer with a woven tale of being in love with her mom’s boyfriend. People become quick to make assumptions - particularly if they already hold a questionable opinion of a particular group.
Another problem a TS woman has with becoming close friends with a part-time girl is they rarely “pass” quite as well as they think they do. Also, trans-women tend to get read ten-times more quickly - when more than two congregate. Thus, this same crossdresser might go unnoticed while shopping but to ask a TS woman to join you - at her favorite haunts where she’s only known as a woman? That’s an unfair request. It takes a long time to get comfortably established socially in a new gender.
There is no “pecking order”. Only happiness…or a lack thereof. If you discovered a joyful life as a part-time gal and keeping the man in your life: don’t worry what anyone else thinks.
You already won the game!
Being a Girl is all I think about. Thus, I must be a Transsexual, right?
Lots of gals confuse the fun of femme-time and a sense of passion combined with GID issues to equate with full-blown transsexuality. It's easy to assume if you enjoy doing something each & every day...there must be more to it. Right?
Sometimes, it’s easy to get so immersed in the transgender culture that we can’t help but think we’re TS. We live, sleep and breathe being transgendered. When we’re not at work? We’re online, reading TG-related posts. When we’re not with family members? We’re dressing up and taking pictures of ourselves.
Eventually we can reach a point where all our fun times are en-femme. All of our not-so-fun times like work? Are when we’re in boy mode. Thus, it's inherently logical to feel we’re supposed to be female, because we’re happiest when we’re dressed, or at least thinking of being dressed. Work isn’t fun and family means responsibility, so we equate those periods with male misery.
The realities of transition are especially brutal and lonely. Most of those extra fun nights you enjoyed while cross dressing? They won’t happen again for a very long time.
Know if you go down this path - it won’t be nearly as “fun”.
I’m Not Getting any Younger
Are you hearing the clock on your wall more loudly these days? Damnit! When the alarm goes off each AM - does the radio announcer whisper: "The sooner you start hormone replacement therapy - the better chance you'll have of looking like a real female".
I understand. Getting old is not for sissies.
It seems each month brings about some change in your femme condition of the " non-positive variety”...less smooth skin, knees sore from a night of dancing, puffy eyes for no good reason...shit!
What's going wrong?
It's that damn clock in the background, isn't it? The second hands are sounding like chimes on the hour.
Yep, we’re getting older.
Getting older and potentially missing out on any chance of ever looking decent as a full-time female is often a breaking point that pushes some girls to hurry a decision to transition. There’s also what I call the “casket dilemma” - the image of the person you want to see in that box when your days are done.
I constantly beat myself up over all the time I lost getting nothing done when my life disintegrated just after my transition. I finally arrived at a helpful insight following the untimely death and murder of one of my closest friends from childhood - we never know when our time will be up. Thus, for all intents and purposes? We’re going to live forever - since forever is only as long as we actually have.
If you must transition? Make sure you have a viable economic plans and aren’t motivated by visions of “beauty” (they rarely work out) - then, get to it.
However, if you’re still not sure?
Give yourself more time to try and find a joyful existence sharing genders.
How do we "finish" transition?
Some gals envision a lovely appearance and operating seamlessly as a woman in society to be the pinnacle of their journey. Others earmark GRS as the big finish-line. Without a doubt, being complete in this latter manner creates a less drama-filled life as a transsexual female. Honestly? It's difficult to move beyond the haphazard lifestyle of a trans-woman to that of a balanced female without this final step. However, in today's world of ultra-easy access to information & resources on transition, we're witnessing a growing number of gals that race to this conclusion and haven't yet found total balance & acceptance in their new gender. Thus, GRS can most correctly be defined as a step...not a pinnacle.
Personally? I don't characterize “finishing” transition by any physical criterion. Thus, how do we define the completion of a successful gender change?
Simple: we achieve a happy & healthy post-transition life as a woman.
I repeat...if and when you develop a happy & healthy life in your new gender: you won!
Becoming a Woman…who happens to be transgender
Evolving from a Transgender Woman to a “woman - who happens to be transgender is a very long road but your biggest and most important aim.
It requires confidence in your new gender and the ability to not get rattled if and when you’re called out negatively for being trans; it requires comfort in your new gender - enough experience to kindly deal with every situation faced by women; it requires appropriateness in your style and presentation - the rules of female edict are well established - to make this work you’ve got to know them by heart.
Along with these personal goals you must also rebuild “a life” - with home, friends and family, a career and a love-life.
This entire process usually takes about ten years to complete - where you enjoy a fulfilling post-transition existence.