Deciding to Transition or Not
As never before, transgender women are starting transition at a record pace.
Simple: easy access to information via the internet. There was a ton of gals hidden by shame & ignorance before the connectivity of information. Add those to all the new, younger trans-women just arriving on the scene? Looks like a stampede at times.
The path is also easier thanks to the efforts of many pioneers. However, along with this easier way comes new problems.
Previously, there was the “Harry Benjamin Standards of Care” which outlined detailed steps that insured a person who identified as transgender followed a transition path that confirmed they would face no regrets later. These essential milestones assured we knew what we were doing & confirmed our resolution.
Additional chapters in This Section include:
MTF Transition Success: Making the Biggest Decision of your Life
MTF Transition - Detailed Guide
MTF Transition - Deciding to do it or Not
How Long Does it Take to Successfully Transition?
Hope for Anyone: What I looked like before transition
Hormone Therapy MTF Transsexuals
For all intents & purposes? Those qualifications are now mostly collecting dust.
You'd be hard pressed to find a trans-gal that can detail these important prerequisites: present company included. Thus, our’s is the new reality. Not saying it's better or worse: just a fact. Thus, I’m not going to fight it - I'm here to help you manage it more successfully.
Why Do You Feel This Intense Need to Change Gender?
There's enough research to accurately determine that our need to express an alternative gender from the one we’re born is caused by varied degrees of masculinzation to the brain during our evolution in the womb.
Every mammal is first conceived female: it's the default gender. Every once and awhile the most complex organ on the body - the human brain - doesn’t successfully compete the light speed trek to its final gender. Thus, you end up with a male body being born with a female brain.
Sounds familiar, huh?
What you’re dealing with is an inborn medical condition. It’s very real. It’s also challenging to handle and remain content without further resolution.
Are You Sure?
I will forever recall being in a transgender-based chat room when a gal announced to the room that she’d just started hormones.
The chat-comments were immediately awash with non-stop “congratulations” to this gal. However, I can promise if you said that to any trans-woman whose actually “completed” a successful transition? Her support would be slow. My response remains cautious: Are you sure?
The reason I ask is that I can’t begin to tell you how difficult this will be and how much longer it takes to accomplish then most people realize.
“But Renee: ‘Being a girl’ is all I think about”
I know that feeling, GF: but please ponder this: since this condition is situated in our brain, it's easy for it to become an obsession. Add the fact it often stimulates sexual impulses? It’s only natural for lots of gals to think of nothing except becoming a woman.
Most of us vividly recall wanting & needing to be a girl at an early age. As we passed puberty, those impulses never went away but our levels of testosterone often offset the degree. As we got older & our levels of testosterone decline? You guessed it...we end up on a collision course with gender identity disorder.
Please Do Me This Favor
I want you to carefully read...then re-read - the following quote from Epicurus:
“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not;
but remember that what you now have
was once among the things you only hoped for.”
Changing your gender will not make you happy. Its but one possible solution to a medical condition known as gender identity disorder. If you proceed with transition, it's going to wreak havoc upon your life the likes of which you could never imagine: family, friends, career, finances, and your love-life and sex life.
Once you change physiologically - your sexual desires will dramatically decline. You will no longer seek a mirror or a crowd to validate your feelings. In fact, you often prefer to avoid mirrors like every other woman.
If you're lucky enough and you fight hard enough...you just might end up looking pretty hot. Then...you finally get to play “Cinderella”…come strolling into a big event...dressed to the nines...looking hot - and nobody knows you’re transgender. That fantasy ever come to mind?
I know: we all shared that vision at one point along the way. However - it’s not a lot of fun if you finally accomplish it with no job or friends & family for loving support.
Take your time with this decision. It’s a big one!
A Gender Transition
Are you sure?
I wish I could tell you your life will get better just after transition but that would be a lie. A lot of girls end up regretting all the changes: often times for the wrong reasons. The most important aspect of a successful transition is rebuilding an emotional infrastructure: that support group of dear friends & family that comprise of our happiness through the course of each week & year.
Will your life be better after you transition?
Fundamentally, perhaps yes. However, in terms of “quality of life” - the answer is almost always “no”. Even in the best of circumstances, you’ll face these challenges:
- You’ll lose a lot of friends. Many that you retain will never enjoy the same level of intimacy as before.
- You’ll face strained relationships with some family members.
- You’ll live with lots of emotional scars from hurtful comments from loved ones - even strangers.
- Your work & career options will be limited. You might lose your job and your ability to earn a decent living at a time when costs associated with a successful transition are straining your resources.
- The process to successfully change your tender is very long, expensive & sometimes painful.
The best real-life analogy I can offer comparing what transition will & won't be?
I sometimes compare a gender transition to resolving a life-long challenge with horrible back pain. Anyone whose ever experienced severe spinal issues is aware how it affects every movement & thus every aspect of your life. If you get it repaired? You simply now have a good back - not necessarily a good life.
Now suppose you were born with this painful back pain. Throughout your entire life you found it almost impossible to function because of the pain associated with this birth defect. You find out you can fix it...but it'll cost you about ten focused years of your life. In that process you'll probably lose a lot of friends & family, most of your money & your subsequent career opportunities will be minimized.
Is your back ache so miserable that you're willing to go through all this to enjoy a normal life?
It's very important to carefully consider this issue. One big reason? After you fix that back-ache, most of your other life issues, feelings of inadequacy, frustrations...? They're still there. The only thing that's changed is your back no longer hurts.
It creates a basis for a lot more internal happiness. You’re no longer lying to the world, or yourself. Unfortunately, inner solace is only good for so much joy: you can’t grab a cup of coffee with it or trash talk your favorite nemesis.