Transition Guide for TS Females

America's Foremost Transgender Woman


Transwomen and Sex

Chapters Includes in This Section include:

Finding Love as a Transsexual Woman
Transssexual Women and Sex
Essential Considerations for Transsexual Love
Transsexual Erections Sexual Joy
Cleaning Up Your Act Before Starting on a Love Journey
Early Stage Gender Transition and Love
The Sexual Orientation of Transsexual Women
Sorting Out Your Sexual Orientation as a TS Woman
Transsexual Pregnancy
Marriage and the Transsexual Woman
The Transsexual Mother
Dating and Loving a Man - for Transsexual Women
The Secret to Finding the Perfect Man for Marriage - for TS Women
Lesbian Females with Transsexuals
Trans Lesbians: Love Between Two Transsexual Women
Transsexual Women that Love and Date Straight Females
Post Operative Transsexual Love


Sexual Intercourse
This article focuses on the sex life of transsexual women who have had Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS) - a separate article is needed for pre-SRS women.  Whilst male to female transsexuals have widely differing sexual experiences, I believe that this comment from Nikkey - two years after she had SRS at age 25 - represents fairly represents the majority: "I enjoy sex like any normal girl".

Being 'swept off my feet' by a man is the dream of many women, but for most transwomen allowing a relationship with a heterosexual man to develop in to physical intimacy and sexual intercourse is immensely stressful and worrying.
By definition, male to female Gender/Sex Reassignment Surgery radically alters the genitalia of the person who undergoes this.  Whatever their sexual inclination, most post-SRS transwomen have a great curiosity about making love to a man as a woman.  A quote from a transsexual woman in the UK:
I had sex change surgery which, according to the letter I received from my doctors ... produced 'an excellent result'.  I was quite relieved to learn that, as I did not know for 2 months after the op whether or not I was a surgical success or failure.  Mind you, I secretly started having vaginal sex way before I was allowed to do it, so by the time I got the official licence to shag, I was far from being a virgin LOL!  
"Just make sure you tell them all to be gentle with you the first few times" said my surgeon.  Little did he know!   
I'm now fully recovered & have to tell you: vaginal sex is absolutely wonderful, I can completely lose myself in a guy's arms as it makes me feel like the ultimate REAL DOLL I have always wanted to be.

The above quotation certainly doesn't apply to all transsexual women, but most can relate to it - even the doll comment. 
A Rain Check
For some post-SRS women, their first sexual experiences with a men can be wonderful and strongly influence their future sexuality.  For example, one transwoman in her late 20's said after her first night with a man, "I had discovered sex ... a new hobby ... more boys in to bed". 
But for others the experience can be a huge disappointment, one transwoman in her early 40's says of her first experience with a man:  "Just worried [beforehand] ... I was bored ... have to change the sheets".  Another admits "I don't have the sex drive I had as a boy ... my husband wants sex all the time but I limit it to maybe every other night as it's so boring."
Perhaps inevitably there seems to be a degree of correlation between sexual satisfaction and successful physical feminization, including age of transition and high quality surgery.  Good physical feminization results in more relationships with attractive and 'sexy' partners, and hopefully more enjoyable physical sensations during everything from kissing, petting and nipple sucking, to clitoris stimulation and vaginal penetration.   
Individual priorities also vary dramatically, as the requests made of surgeons in relation to constructing or enhancing the female secondary sexual characteristics of transsexual women show.  By a large margin the first surgery sought by transsexual women is actually breast augmentation, not SRS.
Facial feminization surgery is often the next priority.  Prior to about 1995 this really just meant a nose job (rhinoplasty), but progress since then has been extraordinary.  For many transwomen with deep pockets and willing to stand the pain, an attractive female face is often only a large cheque away.
Sex reassignment surgery is usually the last item on the surgery list.  The development and subsequent maintenance of a vagina suited to accommodating a penis can be a surprisingly low priority - for older women in particular there seems to be a divergence between stated intentions when first seeking surgery, and the reality when speaking to the surgeon just before having the procedure.  A reasonable speculation is that some transwomen prefer having a natural looking vulva area or a sensitive clitoris over good vaginal depth, for sexual reasons that include lesbianism and masturbation.  
Jennifer transitioned at 21 and had SRS at the relatively young age of 30.  Now 39, she is still seeking Mr Right.
Sexual Activity
There can certainly be no doubt about the very female heterosexual orientation and libido of many young (under 30) transwomen - before and after surgery.  An intense desire to be f*cked as a woman by a man is common, one young transgirl describes her SRS at 18 and early sexual experiences:
"I didn't need the operation to feel like a girl because I already felt like one. I had the operation so I could have sex like other women. ...  So I could have more [vaginal depth and] orgasms I paid [an] extra £1,000.  I was in hospital for three weeks and two weeks after I came out, I was ready for a test run. I went to a disco with the sole intention of picking up a man for sex.  I looked for one who was trendy and attractive. I didn't want a virgin or someone who'd be glad of anything he could get!  When I'd found the perfect guy, he took me home and wanted to light candles but I made him do it with all the lights on.  I had to make sure that it not only felt OK but looked OK.  I have a faint scar on my tummy and I've been told it would take a gynecologist to tell the difference, but I had to find out.  Afterwards, he asked for my phone number but I gave him a false one because he was just an experiment.  I had a few more experiments after that and remember being complimented on my wonderful muscle control."
chelsey Chelsey and friend
Many young girls undoubtedly make up for lost time after their surgery.  For example:
(of 'Tula' fame) admits that after her SRS at age 21, she "went a little wild ...  I felt I needed to experiment and experience a number of relationships.  None of the men I slept with had any idea of my past". 
Caroline Cossey
  • 'A' had SRS at age 17, she claims that over the next four years she had sex with "... at least 500 men.  I'm just a woman with needs and all these men have satisfied my sexual desires".
  • 'M' had SRS at age 21.  She then had sexual relationships with over forty different men in less than a year before "settling down" with just three boyfriends - two of whom were married. 
  • 'J' had SRS at age 25, three year later she said "I must have slept with about thousands of men... I do it most nights".
  • When the boyfriend of 'T' learnt that she had had SRS at 19, his only comment was about her insatiable demand for sex. She admitted "I want sex [with men] all the time - you could say I'm a bit of a sex maniac."

  • Lauren - presumably in a staged photo

  • 'A' had SRS in her early 20's.  Her hobbies are now "horses, sex and men".
  • Chelsey had SRS when age 22 and admits to being "man mad ... I cater for men!"
  • Lauren Harries had SRS in 2001, age 21.  Her very active sex life since then apparently includes Russell Brand.
    British "C" list celebrity
  • There is a lot of unfortunate debate about the sexuality and reasons why older transwomen seek SRS, but regardless of this some undoubtedly have a very active and happy sex life as women:
    • Thirty-something Anne spent the first anniversary of her SRS on holiday in Ibiza, "getting f**ked by as many young men as possible"
    • crystal
    • Crystal Warren (pictured right) confessed on British TV in February 2012 to having a sex addition and claimed to slept with more than a thousand men, it later emerged that the then 42 year-old had had a sex change operation in 2005.
    But these women are all passable and had SRS by age 35 at the most.  It cannot be ignored that some post-SRS transsexual women who desperately desire and seek sex with men as a woman find that their mature age and poor passibility means that such occurrences are rare - and associated depression and disillusionment is probably not unusual.
    There are also many transwomen who consider themselves as to be heterosexual, but in practice have little interest in the actual sex.  For example, Samantha Kane (who had SRS at age 37) concluded after five boyfriends that sex as a woman was rather boring - indeed far less interesting than the preliminaries to a big night out such as a shopping trip.  There's no doubt that quite a few genetic women would agree with her!
    Fabiola Nogueria was famous as shemale porn star (top).  The money she made was spent on SRS and other surgery.  With a new name and radically changed appearance she became a high class female escort, her clients had no inclination of her past.
    The Lure of Money
    The sexual image of transsexual women has been distorted by the prevalence of pre-SRS 'shemales' working as prostitutes, with functional penis's.  This has become a huge world-wide industry, and very lucrative for the girls and minders involved.  Even excluding Asian and South American girls, empirical evidence indicates that a third to a half of all young pre-operative transsexuals have accepted money for sex.  Large numbers of transwomen are being embarrassed when unexpectedly faced with photo's and other evidence taken from porn sites years earlier.
    Whilst trying to ignore the controversy about
    Professor Bailey's idea's, it does seems that there are two categories of girls involved - those that never eventually have SRS, and those that do.  For the later, prostitution is often an unfortunate but quick way to save the money needed for surgery, e.g. Cristini Notta said "My penis paid for my vagina". 
    For post-op shemales, most seem to subscribe to the mantra that "Men penetrate and women are penetrated".  The alternatives such as a strap-on penis raise serious questions as to why they had the surgery.
    Getting Mental
    Medical science still hasn't really explained what causes sexual arousal, but for women (including transsexual women) there seems to be a more substantial and important 'mental' element than men. 
    The sexually complicated lives that many pre-SRS transsexuals lead is not funny for the participants - on occasions the man's discovery and disappointment about their companions genitalia has been deadly.
    During foreplay and love making, women are more likely to imagine that they are making love to an out-of-reach object of desire (film star, pop star, etc) than men.  Perhaps less comfortably, many girls also have private fantasies involving sadomasochism, sexual harassment, assault and rape, which they use as stimulation during masturbation.  According to Dr Alfred Kinsey, 2% of women can reach orgasm from fantasising alone!
    Erotic fantasies are a normal and healthy fact of life for women and transwomen, a few are even able to bring themselves to orgasm though imagination alone, without any physical stimulation - something very rare in men.
    For quite a few heterosexual transwomen, the mere act of vaginal penetration by a man causes extreme mental excitement which quickly leads to an orgasm, i.e. very little actual physical stimulation is required.  On the other side, for a lesbian transwomen a mass orgy with the Chippendales studs might be a waste of lubricant, but holding hands with a girlfriend in public could be totally thrilling.
    The Sexual Cycle in a post-SRS Transsexual Woman.
    Excitement: As the woman becomes aroused, blood starts to accumulate in the pelvic area.   Vaginal lubrication begins - this will generally be closer to genetic female norms the longer since surgery.  (The presence of lubrication does not necessarily mean that a woman is ready for intercourse.  And it's certainly no indication of being close to an orgasm!  Penetration is much more pleasurable if other forms of stimulation are continued for a while longer.)   As sexual stimulation continues, the outer lips, inner lips, and sometimes the breasts begin to look swollen or enlarged.  The clitoris also enlarges - to an embarrassing degree in a few transwomen (this is very difficult for surgeons to get right).
    Plateau: During this phase, the vaginal lips become even puffier.  The tissues of the walls of the neovagina swell with blood and the opening to the vagina narrows.  Breathing and pulse rate quicken.  A "sex flush" may appear on the stomach, breasts, shoulders, neck, or face.  The aureolas of the nipples may swell, even on small breasts.  Many of the woman's muscles - thighs, hips, hands, and buttocks - may tighten.
    Orgasm: The woman's breathing, pulse rate, and blood pressure continue to rise.  The mounting muscular tension and engorgement of blood vessels reaches a peak.  Orgasm occurs.  Sometimes the orgasm comes with a reflex grasping-type muscular response of the hands and feet.   Some women feel a warmth emanating from their genital area.  Since orgasm is most often triggered by clitoral stimulation or deep penile penetrations (dependent upon the individual and the surgical technique used for her SRS), the excitement usually stops if the stimulation stops.  An incomplete release can be very frustrating!   Consistent and continuous stimulation in the particular way each woman wants it is usually required to bring a woman to orgasm.
    Resolution: This is when the genitals return to their normal resting state.  This phase can last from a few minutes to a half hour or longer.  Swelling recedes, any sex flush will disappear, and there is a general relaxation of muscular tension.  The clitoris returns to its usual size and position.  Some women experience soreness in their genitals for a while after orgasm.
    Sexual Desire and Enjoyment
    As ever studies are rare, but the limited available evidence suggests that transsexual women generally resemble genetic females rather than males in their patterns of sexual activity and associated temperamental traits.  On average, when compared with genetic women, transsexual women: 
    Have a similar degree and frequency of sexual desire.
  • Are just as sensitive and temperamental, and similarly easy (really!) to sexually excite.
  • Have their sexual desires and needs satisfied almost as much as other women, but less than men.
  • Have significantly more erotic fantasies, dreams and daydreams.
  • Are as likely to adopt a female sexual position during intercourse.
  • Are less likely to experience orgasms than other women during intercourse.
  • Are less likely to enjoy non-orgasmic sexual sensations during intercourse.
  • kiss
    The limitations of even the most aesthetically successful sex-reassignment surgery seems likely to account for the last two points. There is also no doubt that like other women, the libido and sexual enjoyment of transsexual women can vary from negligible to intense, whether or not they are classified as lesbian, bisexual or heterosexual.
    After surgery many (but certainly not all!) post-SRS transwomen have a relatively low libido, and often an unwanted bias towards their anus rather than vaginal areas for physical sexual stimulus and enjoyment. 
    To simulate libido and vaginal excitement, the best answer is determined daily masturbation (up to 30 minutes or orgasm) using aids such as pornography and vibrators.  If libido remains very low, taking small doses of testosterone can help - whilst considered to be a 'male' hormone, post-SRS transwomen often have lower blood levels of testosterone than genetic women. 
    During sex with a man, the transwomen suffers slightly from the fact that her pelvis has a slightly different structure from a genetic woman - preventing or making painful some common sexual positions.  Also, unless the surgery has been of exceptional quality, she will have less clitoral stimulation that the average genetic woman, and the traditional 'missionary' position will have very little physical stimulus.  The 'girl on top' approach is most likely to lead to enjoyment and orgasm - this allows her to find the optimum angle for vaginal penetration, permits stimulation of the clitoris area, and allows for mutually enjoyable kissing and fondling of the breasts. 
    Physiology, Age and Sexual Activity
    The mere mentioning of "age" opens a can of worms which many transsexual women prefer to ignore - but it's also difficult to ignore that fact that there's a complex relationship between age, sex, and libido.
    For genetic women the reality is that their fertility peaks in their late teens when they have an 80+% chance of getting pregnant in any 12 month period if regularly having unprotected sex.  It's no coincidence that women are (putting all correctness aside) at their most beautiful and attractive to men when in their teens - and that their bodies are urging them to find an attractive mate for sex and trap a high calibre partner to look after them (i.e. not necessarily the same man).  Female fertility thereafter starts to decline, dramatically so from age 35 - more than one-in-three women are technically infertile by 45 and the most of the rest rapidly follow, despite a few highly publicised exceptions.
    The fertility of men (based in sperm count) probably starts to decline even before women but the average man is actually older than the average women when they have their first acknowledged child. Also the fertility of 35+ men declines more slowly than women, and many men remain technically fertile in to their 50 and even 60's. 
    jessica Thanks to lucky genetics, female hormones and excellent surgery - a few young transwomen are physically close to the female ideal and their sexual opportunities are almost unlimited. 
    The libido of women seems to decline slower than their fertility, but still faster than men - particularly if 45+ and in a long term relationship where the availability of sexual opportunities doesn't make the heart grow fonder.  In recent years there has been a lot of media coverage about well-heeled 40-something single female's seeking 'toy boys', but a much larger number of mature men are 'sugar daddies' for far younger women.
    As far as I can make out there has been no research that correlates the libido and sexual activity of genetic women with post-SRS transsexual women an age related basis.  In the UK the typical MTF transsexual has SRS surgery when age 35 to 45 - this creates considerable possibilities as regards both the level of their libido and actual sexual activity a year or two before and after surgery.  I have my own suspicions - for example that a 20-year old MTF transwomen has a below female mean level of actual sexual activity before hormones & surgery, but an average or even slightly higher one afterwards.   I look forward to some comments.

    Copyright (c) 2006, Annie Richards