Refining the Traditional Definitions for Sexual Orientation
You probably already know all this, but for the sake of reference, I’ll review. Once you’ve transitioned, your orientation gender is now female: duh!
Thus, if you like:
Men & Women…you’re bisexual
Transgender Women…you’re trans-lesbian
All of the above? You’re polysexual
Yeah, I know - we all get tired of labels. Just wanted to make sure we’re on the same page as we discuss this. ((hugs))
Your Natural Wiring with Sexual Orientation
Natural wiring, when it comes to sexual orientation - rarely changes dramatically. Even if heterosexual people explore a gay connection while facing limited supply (prison) - they almost always default back to their core wiring once this constraint is removed.
What’s your natural wiring? Most of us know automatically. However, if you’re still questioning yours, try this: If you look across a crowded room and see three hot guys, three hot women and thee hot trans-women? Which group would your eyes first gravitate & who would you want to first try and connect?
Whichever group that is?
That’s your natural sexual orientation wiring.
For Transsexual Women - Sexual Orientation Often isn’t Quite that Simple
Since most transgender women begin their journey as heterosexual males, it’s only natural many end up identifying as lesbian, post-transition. However, some girls find those relationships frustrating because of “shared” traditional feminine roles in a union. “I didn’t go through all this - to be the freaking guy in a relationship” - said one dear transsexual friend of mine. Thus, she evolved to dating and loving men even though she privately admits she’s still mostly attracted to women.
In other words?
There’s sometimes more to transgender sexual orientation than first meets the eye.
Most transsexual women aren’t attracted to men – at first. Some evolve to it after their lives become fully balanced as women. Ironically? That process often begins not by finding the perfect male partner. But rather, in feeling unfulfilled by women - and by less quality female mate options.
“It was weird,” says Jessica - a 36 year old transsexual woman. “I was still drawn to women, if I did the ‘look across the room thing’ I always checked the women first. I still loved kissing women – what’s not to love about kissing a woman? However, when it came time for intimacy? I was constantly unfulfilled.”
Sexual Orientation Versus Relationship Orientation
While post-transition transsexual women might be ideally “wired” for one direction: some end up in what they consider the healthiest “relationship” option. Thus, ending up with a man is quite common.
Also, matching with another transsexual equates to the best option for some: “I got so tired of my transsexuality being an issue with love and relationships. I constantly felt like I was being unfairly judged. We’ve had our issues but overall I’m completely happy and fulfilled,” says one trans-woman whose been with her transgender partner for six years.
Porch Theory Another orientation evolutionary outlook I witnessed is what I refer to as “porch theory” - who and what sort of person do you picture yourself sitting next to on a front porch when your older and feeble?
This outlook and approach is more common - even sensible - for mature trans-ladies. “At the end of the day? I was interested in finding someone I could joyfully live the balance of my life. I had a tough journey. Was tired of fighting for perfection” - says a 62 year-old post-op transsexual lady who ended up in a committed union with a masculine guy in Nevada.
Thus, at the end of the day?
Sometimes finding a healthy and loving partner can be just as fulfilling as finding what your body or earlier dreams held dear.