Most Popular Articles
Chapters Includes in This Section include:
Finding Love as a Transsexual Woman
Transssexual Women and Sex
Essential Considerations for Transsexual Love
Transsexual Erections Sexual Joy
Cleaning Up Your Act Before Starting on a Love Journey
Early Stage Gender Transition and Love
The Sexual Orientation of Transsexual Women
Sorting Out Your Sexual Orientation as a TS Woman
Marriage and the Transsexual Woman
The Transsexual Mother
Dating and Loving a Man - for Transsexual Women
The Secret to Finding the Perfect Man for Marriage - for TS Women
Lesbian Females with Transsexuals
Trans Lesbians: Love Between Two Transsexual Women
Transsexual Women that Love and Date Straight Females
Post Operative Transsexual Love
Is finding a suitable lesbian female partner right for you?
Consider the following...
Common Challenges for Transsexual Women in Dating a Lesbian Woman
Residual Male Edge
The most common challenge for transsexual women seeking a lesbian female partner is whether they’ve evolved to a point where they have little or no residual male “edge”. This was the biggest complaint from most lesbian women that considered or tried dating a transsexual woman.
“To me, she still had the male ‘indifference’ when it came to love. Can’t stand that about men and couldn’t handle it with a transsexual woman either”.
How do you refine and delete residual male edge? The most important first step is when all your closest friends and co-hearts are born-women versus other transsexuals. You’ll immediately notice the lack of certain slangs, language and attitude that only trans women retain.
“She stuck her tongue down my throat during our first hot kiss, that just wasn’t going to work” - said another lesbian woman after her first date with a trans-woman. Not aggressively using your tongue is but one of a zillion of male nuances lesbians notice and often dislike when dating transsexuals.
For some transsexual women, this new level of “judgement” regarding their femininity doesn’t work. “I got sick of it,” says Marnie a 57-year old Missouri TS woman. “Who died and made lesbians the gatekeepers of deciding whose actually female? Every time I turned around I was being judged - like the fact I have to wear a wig or still occasionally shave my neck and face.”
That’s not surprising, after all transsexual women go though to legally become female - learning to pass, function, etc. - pretty much the last thing any of us want is another woman telling us we’re not female enough.
There’s also sometimes cultural prejudice. One ten-years married trans woman - lesbian woman couple I met chose not to disclose to other lesbians that the one was transsexual. Lesbian prejudice against transsexuals seem more common in larger cities - where the cultural accepts of being lesbian is more important to community members.
This same cultural barrier is what caused Tina to be relatively unsuccessful with finding a lesbian partner from on-line dating resources. “That - wasn’t going anywhere. I found my wife at a lesbian social function - where she saw first hand my personality, style and essence. Let’s face it - a lot of transsexuals seeking lesbians on-line are almost a ‘man in a dress’ - I don’t blame many lesbians for hesitating”.
Femme Relationship Orientation Seeking Femme Lesbian Partners
Another common challenge for transsexual women first dating lesbians is role & cultural based. Since most transsexual women that now identify as lesbian were once heterosexual males - they often still evaluate potential mates by outer femininity and traditional beauty versus female essence. However, most trans-women also envision themselves as highly femme - and prefer to take those same roles in a loving union. This often sets up a tough equation for finding a lesbian partner since most that match that physical criteria (femme’s) - are often seeking a female partner who will assume the more traditional male roles in a union (butch).
Femme, butch, top, bottom, roles etc. are generally waning in all queer cultures as people now more freely consider a best match - period. However, they do still exist on a fundamental basis and you would be wise to realistically consider your needs and wants in this regard before dating.
A few of the most successful transsexual relationships are with a transsexual woman and lesbian female. To be successful, you need to be very evolved in your inner an outer femininity and prepared to become active in lesbian social culture - since your best chance to find a suitable partner is often from first connecting with her face-to-face.