Transgender Friendly Night Clubs
Transgender-friendly nightclubs were once the absolute best place to meet attractive transsexual women. Alas, that’s no longer the case.
Two events changed the landscape. The degree of understanding and acceptance of transgenders played a huge role. In the old days, unless you were flawless, you had to worry over your personal safety. Bathrooms were always an issue - particularly if the club owner knew you were trans: such a nightmare.
Thus, in those times?
Transsexual women mostly stayed congregated in trans-friendly clubs where they knew they were safe. This created an ideal hunting ground for guys attracted to transsexuals. Nowadays, transsexual women don’t need and often don’t want such a backdrop in their social life.
Additional chapters Included in this section on this subject, include:
Connecting with a TS at "straight" Venues
The Dreaded First Phone Call
Meeting at Transgender Friendly Nightclubs
First Meeting with a Potential TS Partner
Or…take a glance through some of my free personal favorite photos:
Still, it's a decent place to find part-time transgender girls and DRAG Queens: I lived as a part-time gal for almost ten years. Also, some TS women occasionally “stop in” such establishments now and then to see old friends.
Tips for your First Visit to a Transgender Friendly Nightclub
The hardest part for a novice Admirer when he first visits a transgender-friendly nightclub? Everybody can usually tell he’s a beginner and exactly what he’s there looking for.
Most beginners show up in either a suit and tie or a white shirt with khaki pants - at a club where causal is the preferred attire. Think you’re not standing out from the onset?
The Tranny "Stalk"
Beginners tend to walk all around the facility: stopping and visually examining every girl in the club - trying to figure out if she’s transsexual. It’s comical to watch. By telegraphing this - you’re telling the hottest transsexuals in the room to steer clear.
Bouncing from one girl to the next
Most new guys will quickly move from one transgender girl to the next. They only have one night out - can’t waste it if a girl’s not interested. However, this approach doesn’t go over well. In a transgender club? All the girls know each other. Insult one? You might insult everyone.
The Tourist “Story”
Another common spin beginning Admirer’s sometime adapt is to pretend they accidentally arrived at this club based upon a recommendation from a hotel concierge or were just driving by.
My favorite version with this was when I visited the “Las Vegas Lounge” - one of the few remaining pure trans-clubs still in existence in the US. The girls there would tell about guys who claimed they just happened to be walking by and stopped in - had no idea this was a transgender club. The Vegas Lounge is a relatively clean, fun and safe place - but its not located in the sort of neighborhood where any guy would feel safe walking the streets at night and would just happen to stop in.
The Lessons Here?
If you’re new? Relax. Be clean shaven and showered. Dress sexy but casual: jeans are good. Find a central place to sit and watch - everyone moves around. Look - don’t gawk. Smile and say hello to everyone: your waiter, nearby gay males, etc. The ally you could find is a gay male friend. Have fun, make friends, fit in. Before you know it? You’ll meet lots of people - including transgender women.
Other Key Insights to Meeting Transgender Girls at Transgender Friendly Nightclubs
Ever been to a transgender friendly bar? If your initial experience was like many, it wasn't very easy to talk to the girls. Why? First, you were probably a bit nervous - you were out of your element - as well as your environment. Also, you might still grappling with your sense of sexuality - asking yourself: "What in the h*** am I doing here?" Sound familiar?
On the other hand - she seems aloof. She's definitely in her environment. She probably knows people at the bar - and some of the other girls around her. She’s confident with her surroundings.
Finally, you get up the nerve to say "hi" - and she blows you off.
What went wrong?
To be effective at "tranny chasing", there’s a few things you'll need to do in order to enhance your possibility for success.
Get a grasp on what you are after
She likely has neither the time nor inclination to help you decide if this is right for you. She has many options in terms of play partners. Trying to convince a newcomer he should spend time with her? That’s not on her agenda. As much as some newcomers think their "t-girl virginity" will be appealing - it isn't. I'd keep that fact to myself, if I were you.
Get past the jitters
If you get nervous when you’re you’re first near a living transsexual woman? You've got work to do. This nervousness is a function of unfamiliarity. Its similar to when you were 16, and started dating genetic girls. (Okay, nine-years-old - for you whoremongers. LOL) Unfamiliarity breeds lack of confidence. And lack of confidence often results in failure - when you are hitting on anyone.
If this is your case, I'd suggest you seriously consider making your first, big trans-girl adventure with a professional girl. You'll get a clearer picture of what you really prefer and you'll get past the jitters of what it's actually like. I'm aware it’s the anatomical variation in her panties that you’re attracted to. However, it’s this exact difference you so much need to get past while talking. If you'll treat us like any regular gal - and leave the "20 questions" at home? You'll do much better.
The girl you are scoping in the club will very likely not be jitterish. She will also seem confident in her surroundings. Does this familiarity mean she's a lounge lizard? Of course not. If she’s part-time, she might not have many choices where she can safely go out en femme. Safety is crucial to most us. The last place we ever want to end up is behind bars - in a dress.
Many part-time girls can easily pass as women and have loads of fun in somewhat "hip" traditional clubs. However, there is always the risk of running into "Joe Redneck" or some guy who doesn't know the meaning of the word "no". If you think a guy can get his ego bruised getting blown off by a genetic female? You should see how some will react when one of us do it.
Transgender friendly bars tend to look after the girls. Going to the same place over a period time, makes it easy for us to get to know the people working and hanging out there.
Your First Words
What do you first say to the trans-girl of your dreams? That depends on a million things, but there are a few mannerisms I'd pass on.
First, please don't do the hard core staring thing. We get stared at a lot over time - and it is rarely taken as a positive implication. Look enough to let her know you are interested - but leave the zombie routine at home.
The best thing to do is just smile - and wave - once you've caught her eye. Trust me on this. It works! If she smiles back, give yourself a moment, and head over and order a drink next to where she is sitting. Compliment something about her ensemble - but stay clear of the "you're so beautiful" comment. Guys who start with this statement, have that overwhelmed look in their eye - and can put a girl's guard up in a hurry.
As part-time girls, our outlook on personal safety increases exponentially. We can't run fast in heels and we are often in a bad position to press charges against those who might have physically harmed us. Therefore, our best option is usually to just sit there looking pretty and remaining safe and sound in an environment we know - if we feel even the slightest tinge of You could be a nutcase".
I think you'll find that overall, most trans-girls you meet will be highly enjoyable to chat with and get to know. Most are very intelligent people and tend to possess a keen wit. Think about it - the playfulness and camaraderie of a guy - in a woman's body.
Tough to beat, huh?
What Not to Say
While there’s lots of good things to say when you first visit with a potential partner – there’s a few things I’d strongly suggest you steer clear from:
- “I see you as a woman” – have you ever said that to a born female? Of course not! Thus, by saying it – you’re subtly affirming you don’t see her in that same way. The better way? Just don’t say anything in that regard. Rather, show her you see her as a lovely woman by acting like a gentleman as you would with any other lady you found highly appealing.
- "Are you planning to get rid of your penis?" - this is a very personal decision and not the sort of discussion you would ask about after first meeting someone.
- "Will you fuck me in the ass?" - some girls are tops, some are versatile and some are bottoms. Jumping to which conclusion early is usually a big turn off. If you're "paying" for her time? It's a fair question - although please phrase it as: "Are you willing to top me?"
Okay. You’re sitting next to her, and haven't yet been chased off. What next? Prior to building my new life as a woman, I often viewed women’s comments about the crudeness of men in bars as classic gender bashing. However, its often true: a lot of men act like jerks!
The worst type is the guy who honestly believes he's doing us some sort of "favor" by giving attention. Some men are under the mistaken assumption they are one of very few that would have an interest in an attractive TV/TS. Let me set the record straight in this department.
Part-time trans-girls typically hang out in t-friendly bars. Outside of the gay guys? Most every single guy in the club is at least somewhat interested in meeting an attractive tranny. I've seen many GG's (genetic girl) get a real complex in such clubs.
If you have a bad attitude? I suggest you drop this whole issue - and find a woman stupid enough to endure your approach.
If however, you're a relatively nice guy - read on…
The right attitude
Regardless if you’re meeting a trans-girl on line or in a bar - these rules will serve you well:
Be nice! Notice the exclamation point after the word nice - if you'll just keep repeating that word in your head? You'll do quite well. Does that sound difficult? You'll get a lot further if you remember this simple courtesy.
Be Honest. If you are married? Tell her as soon as it's appropriate. She may be married herself, as many part-time trans-girls are. Leave the "I'm a multi-millionaire" routine at home - remember these girls were once guys. They've heard all these lines as women. Some even used them as men. Besides, for all you know? The hot blonde sitting next to you - is actually Mark Zuckerberg!
Be Direct. If you are genuinely interested in going out with her, you can quickly ascertain if she dates guys - many trans-girls do not - but that doesn't mean some don't like to flirt a little. However, most are very up front in being honest in their response to this question.
Be Generous within Reason. If you meet her in a bar, offer to buy her a drink. Do you have any concept what it costs to just basically transform from male-to-female? For starters, her basic makeup up inventory costs over $300.00 - and part time girls often use a twice as much as a genetic chick in order to look decent. She’s gotta maintain two wardrobes ($1,500++), her hair often costs more than a four-star meal, and her dry cleaning bill could support a small country.
Be Patient. How many times have you walked up to a girl in a bar and said: Let's go f*** - only to have her grab her keys and lead you out the door? The chances of this happening with a genetic female are rare - even more unlikely with a trans-girl.
First, when a part time trans-girl is out in a dress? She’s fairly vulnerable. How would you like to have some trouble, and end up at the police station in "silk and linen"? No thank you! Most girls are quite cautious - and rightfully so. There are too many psycho's out there. A lot of guys are hesitant to give a trans-girl a phone number, or any form of mutual contact. However, they want them to go off with them to some private place, and be intimate. The girl has no recourse if you get out of line. Keep this give and take in mind.
Second, she may still be considering her sense of sexuality and potential attraction to you as a masculine male. As I discussed, many part-time trans-girls have no such interest, others do. Many more are sitting on the fence on this matter. (See, I told 'ya we're just like women! *grin*) If this the case? You know the drill from here: turn on the charm, stiffen the drinks, and roll the dice.
Try Being a Gentleman. A real transgendered person, fully takes on the feminine gender when dressed. This often includes inherently female traits - like the need to form an emotional bond with someone - before being sexually attracted to them. She’s got to like you! In fact, this girl is often more of a lady than many genetic women you'll meet. For some reason, lots of newcomers to the world of TG Admirers, start with the mistaken impression these girls are sluts. They fail to understand that transgenderism is not about sex - but rather - gender expression.
If you're looking for this type of girl? You will need to find some neophyte crossdresser - who simply gets turned on wearing women's pantyhose. However, I doubt you're going to find them very attractive, in comparison to a more experienced trans-girl.
You've been chatting awhile. You like her. She seems fun - and interested in you. What next? Take it easy. A lot of guys get a little excited during their first round with an attractive trans-girl. One thing most are dying to do? Put their hands on our legs - and move up to that different panty fit. My suggestion? Keep your hands off - until it's clear she wouldn't mind them being there.
Many of us have nice, long, and smooth legs. For this reason, many guys who sit next to us bars get obsessed with touching them. All fine and dandy, but unless I touched we touched yours first? We don't exactly like it. I know you might get all hot and bothered with the "t-girl paradox" - but it can really get irritating. Your hand on her thigh might be a big thrill for you. However, unless she’s sincerely I'm attracted to you? Tt doesn't do a thing for her.
In my old clubbing days as a part-time trans girl? I was groped, probed, and pawed more times than I care to remember. I got felt up, at least 20 times in a very crowded bar by both men and women - any Saturday night I was out. I got used to it. They might have gotten their cheap thrills, but nobody got past first base with such an approach.
I was always very fairly friendly in the club environment. In general, I liked people. Thus, somebody had to get completely out of line in order to piss me off. However, most gals, had a much shorter fuse.
Get too forward? You will likely find yourself outside the confines of the bar in a hurry. Most clubs, that are accepting of trans-girls also look out for them to a degree. The girls are part of the show - the atmosphere. At every club I used to attend? They did a great job of not letting anyone cause trans-girls trouble. I had more than one person canned, because they didn't seem to understand "no" - really does means no.
I personally never went to such bars to try and connect with men or women. I went to have fun, enjoy my time as a woman and socialize with friends. My fun didn’t usually include leaving with strangers. Rarely did as a guy - certainly didn’t as a woman.
The bottom line?
Newcomers will very rarely leave with an attractive trans-girl their first time out, unless they’re paying for the pleasure. They must invest some time.
You're nervous: So are we.
What are the most common dating insecurities of transgender women?
Everybody harbors fear regarding opening their heart: past experience reminds us of potential pain that comes from emotional vulnerability. However, transsexual women tend to harbor more fear in this regard than their born-female counterparts. This is due to the long and arduous path associated with a gender transition and the fact many family and friends pull away during that journey.
Following is some of our most common fears - and how to deal with them:
You want us for our unique configuration versus the person we really are
Gotta own it: this is our issue - not yours. Every woman on the planet sometimes feels their man only wants them for sex - goes with the turf. However, being different often makes us even more sensitive in these regards.
Providing romance and attentiveness to your transsexual partner is crucial. Don’t ever make her feel less than she is - the most special woman in your life!
You’re secretly a transgender girl underneath
Lots of men attracted to transsexual women are secretly fetish cross dressers. Thus, part of their attraction is to trans-women is tied to a private desire to be her.
Experienced transsexual women are aware of this fact. Some, like to pretend it only exists with other transsexual’s boyfriends - not theirs. Others? Do anything possible to never let it come up in conversation. If you harbor this desire? Neither of those outcomes are healthy for a long term relationship.
Most transsexual women learn to deal with a limited amount of private cross dressing from a man they love. Some, might even be supportive : giving you a makeover to help make you look decent. However, very few can embrace the possibility of you one day hoping to transition.
If that’s your real dream? And the really reason you’re not pursuing it is because you think you could never fully pass? Please don’t go telling a full-time transsexual woman you love her and want to be her man. Own your path - and deal with it. Everyone will be much happier.
We’re not “naturally” pretty
Very few transsexual women are flawless to the bone. Most of us face a laundry list of beauty issues: facial hair that continues to poke through even after years of electrolysis, a receded hair line or bald head that must be masked with hair extensions or a wig, Body hair that continues to grow where we wish it didn’t (.i.e our breasts). None of these things sound sexy and often make us feel ugly underneath. We’ve learned every trick in the book to hide our flaws - but that does’t mean they’re not still there.
If you’re new to dating a transsexual woman she might be extra sensitive in these regards until she knows you adore her regardless. If you’re going to love a transsexual woman you must embrace these realties.
Try catching her at a “worst moment” and tell her how beautiful she is in your eyes. Most importantly? Never make her feel bad about any of these issues AND never compare her to an old flame who was naturally prettier - you’ll regret it!
You Won’t Be Able to Handle the Fallout of Dating a Transsexual Woman
Having an open (meaning your friends and family are aware) relationship with a transsexual wife or girlfriend is easier than ever before - particularly if she’s passable and seems to make your life better. People are far more aware of transgenderism from media and not nearly as threatened by it. However, there will be certain friends, family members and co-workers that won’t accept it and might chide and / or abandon you during the process. Your transsexual girlfriend is all too aware of these risks.
If you’ve fallen for us without a natural attraction to our blended gender? We’re doubly concerned. We start quickly sizing up if your could love us.
If trans-women are your “thing” – it’s very important that you own your orientation, as well. You can’t just dump it off on her - hiding behind a story that “you just fell in love with the amazing woman underneath it all.” You need to own the fact you realized you had a natural attraction to transsexual women and sought her out.
Keep in mind, the beginning of the end for any marriage with kids already in the picture - is a spouse that begins to refer to a partner’s children as “not theirs”. If you successfully marry? You share everything!
You’ll go “natal” on us
A natal female refers to a woman born as a woman vs. a transsexual. There is nothing more painful that losing a love partner because they decided they needed a born-woman. In this instance? We can’t compete - and we’re reminded in the worst possible way about all we’re not.
This is the sort of situation that happens amongst traditional couples when we partner realizes they’re gay. It’s also a big reason lots of gay men and women refuse to date bisexuals - they’re aware they might change their mind.
If you’re not sure - this is your thing? Own that fact up-front so she’ll know not to pour herself into this without abandon. As always, honesty is the best policy.
You want something sexually that we can’t or won’t do
Let’s face it: pretty much every guy on the planet has a list of sexual fantasies he wishes his wife or girlfriend would go a long with: welcome to male-female dynamics.
However, a preponderance of men attracted to transsexual women are desiring her to be a top and penetrate them - and there’s few transsexual women able or willing to perform this act.
Transsexual women are VERY aware of this desire with their potential partners: it’s quite common.
The best approach if you harbor this fantasy from her?
First off, be sympathetic. She didn’t go through all those surgeries & life changes with a fantasy of still performing sexually like a guy. Most gals will accommodate the needs and desires of their partners once they believe you really love them.
Also, be realistic. If your new trans-girlfriend is highly femme and been on HRT for many years, she probably couldn’t do this to you - even if she tried. Would you be just as happy is she strapped on a toy for such fun?
Every human has experience with feeling abandonment but transsexual women tend to have too much experience in this regard: family that pulled away when they started transition, former friends that now won’t acknowledge her presence, etc.
The most important thing you can do with your transsexual partner is to stay present in the relationship. Women complain about men going to their “cave” in lots of relationships but transsexual women often read more into why you’re pulling back than the norm. Stay attentive!
Our Love will “Vanish” from Your Life History
Every time we fall in love with a new potential partner, we eventually share our loving “relationship history” - from the best to the worst. Transsexual women are aware former partners often “leave out” their love from the passion resume. It sucks.
For Caitlin, a 44-year-old transsexual who shared a five-year relationship with a man who she thought was the one of her dreams - their break-up was was especially bitter. “I poured my heart, my money and my time into improving his life and that of his child. After our split? He moved back to his home state and started a new love - but never told her he dated me. For him now to not even acknowledge to others that we shared that love? I don’t know how to describe what that feels like. I’m now scarred to future potential loves”. With Caitlin’s former boyfriend, his family played a role with helping delete that past - they never accepted her in his life and were all too happy to help him pretend - it never happened.
It’s important to her that you own your trans-orientation and be proud of her love for you. If she senses this is all just a test or experiment? Don’t expect her to invest much in the relationship. You need to be proud of your transsexual partner. It’s also helpful if your family is on board, as well.