Answers to Common Questions Regarding Transsexual Dating
Wanting to meet a beautiful, feminine and sexy TS with transgender breast augmentation, a large round feminine booty - who still has her "stick" down below?
Most guys just starting to date transsexual females
are way off base from her reality.
That makes it hard to even start to advise them how to get on track.
I’m sharing ten years worth of hard-hitting questions I fielded from readers - those “Everything you wanted to know about dating a TS - but didn’t know who to ask” type of queries. Hopefully, it will answer many questions and resolve common misconceptions.
Before we get to all that…
If you're looking for insider tips on meeting a tranny? These other free site articles might provide what you're looking for:
Transsexual Girlfriend: Picking a Match
TS Dating - How to Find the Best Match
TS Girlfriend Dating - The Ten Best Options
Transgender Dating - Common Mistakes
Tranny Dates - How to Succeed
Shemale Love: What's Most Important?
TS Dating: Answers to Common Questions
I Want to Marry a Shemale
Transsexual Girlfriend Guide
Finding Your Transsexual Girlfriend
Meeting a Transsexual Woman
Telling Others You Have a Transsexual Girlfriend
What impact do female hormones have on a transsexual when it comes to sex with a transgender woman?
The ability to achieve and sustain a penile erection is a function of many things - but adequate testosterone is crucial. Hormone replacement regimens used by transsexual females include both an estrogen-type product - that softens male features and starts creating breast growth. She also takes testosterone blockers - which inhibits the production of testosterone. These blockers cause her body muscle mass to soften and reduce ruddiness in facial skin common from testosterone.
Over time, this same regimen usually results in a transsexual woman being unable to achieve and maintain an erection plus semen production is minimized due to the the t-blockers.
Also, some gals - on a tight budget -take hormones without the direction of a physician. Thus, several go overboard - and the effects can be profound upon an erection - although many trans-women could care less if that remains functional.
Wait a minute: What about those sexy transsexuals from South America I see in porn movies? They look very feminine - and they’re always "erect"...
Incredible hips, asses, full breasts - and hard penises: seen those, huh? Is it the water down there? Alas, it's the lack of any enforced regimen within medical rules and regulation.
What these gals do - is a Tranny Chasers dream. They create the ultimate trans-girl body. However, they do so in the unhealthiest of methods - direct injectibles - all of which are illegal in the United States.
I once read where an admirer mentioned how these gals are accepted as a “third sex” in Brazil. This guy obviously never spent time there. Latin American transsexuals endure incredible hardship and prejudice.
Most have absolutely no chance economically-speaking, remain uneducated, are street wise - and forced to live by their wits. It's a very challenging existence.
I spent a year helping care for such a Brazilian gal after her body went through toxic shock from free silicone. Learned a great deal regarding the "real life" of trans-women in South America.
It’s no picnic!
I want to marry a transsexual. What should I do to find a compatible partner?
If you haven’t yet dated trans-women? What you’re really saying is...I’m totally turned on by images of a lovely & feminine trans-woman who still has a penis - and you dream of having such a gal in your bed for the rest of your life.
Here’s the problem…
A transsexual with a lovely feminine presentation who still has a penis is a byproduct of the transsexual journey - it’s not what or who she is. It would be like if someone told you they wanted to marry a professional cheerleader because they think cheerleaders are hot. What about the person? How are they in a relationship…their likes, dislikes, values and dreams? We would laugh at such a childish marriage criteria.
Most trans-gals consider guys who state this in a personal ad as "strange”.
Because if you've obviously not dated a transsexual and determined the "real" reason you seek such an association - she views you as an admirer trying to use "marriage" as a hook to get dates.
Don’t do that!
My ultimate fantasy is to have a beautiful transsexual penetrate me with her penis. None seem to want that unless they’re a paid escort: what gives?
Very few transgender women sexually identify as “versatile” - let alone “top”. Thus, what you’re putting out is hitting a brick wall. If it’s not their sexual orientation? It feels disgusting - like some big, burly gay male asking you to do the same thing to him. If you’re not wired that way? It’s a turn-off.
Sexual open-mindedness and a willingness to try and fulfill all your partners desires is something that occurs after love happens. Would you ask a born-woman to strap on & take you from behind after a first date? Not if you wanted a second.
We’re no different in that regard.
Why are so few transsexuals attracted to masculine men?
Most transsexuals began their journey heterosexual - thus the end up lesbian following transition. Most beginning transgender girls are attracted to other transgender gals. Thus, if you want their attentions? You might want to try learning to present as a girl - particularly if you already privately harbor that desire.
Sexual orientation rarely changes throughout life. However, some trans-women evolve to loving and dating men as the subsequent “straight” relationship feels more comfortable and sensible. On a good note and much to the chagrin of most women who find trans-girls appealing? Almost all the most attractive and feminine transsexuals you’ll encounter are only into men.
What sort of guy do your close transsexual girlfriends tell you they want?
They look for a man close to their own age whose attractive, very masculine and a total top when it comes to intimacy. A good physique and a bit of bad-boy edge are also common requests. A guy whose willing to be “out and proud” with friends and family regarding the fact he’s dating her - is likewise important.
My transsexual girlfriend completely freaked out when I expressed a desire to cross dress - even worse than my Ex-wife. What gives? I thought she would be more understanding.
Both transsexual women and born women often struggle with guys that want to cross-dress but for different reasons. For born-women? They fear it will lead to their man becoming gay - a common misunderstanding between sexual orientation and gender identity issues.
For transsexual women?
This issue runs deeper. There’s an old joke in the trans-community: “Know what the difference is between a transsexual and a crossdresser? About five years.” In other words - historically - the more a guy explores cross dressing and gains confidence in his skills? The further he tends to want to go.
A lot of beginning cross dressers who state they “don’t want to go any further” than part-time dressing - are actually saying: “I could never completely pass as female. Thus, that’s why I wouldn’t go further”.
Guess what some of these same guys eventually learn the more they cross dress? Any guy can pull off a decent female presentation with adequate practice, skill and confidence.
A transsexual girlfriend knows this and is turned off accordingly for two reasons. First - you’re playing in her turf: it’s like she just invited another guy into your shared bed. Second? The idea of ever going through another transition is overwhelmingly negative for most trans-women. That process would be akin to her raising an infant - whose also her husband.
That - is the last thing most transsexual girlfriends want to envision.
I live in Smalltown, USA. I'd like to develop a long term relationship with a beautiful transsexual. What can I do?
First off - I usually assume anyone who asks this question - really means...
“I get really turned on by images of non-op transsexuals. I think I would love to form a long term relationship with one of those erotic creatures. Of course - if she were going to move to my Small town? - I need her to be completely passable 24/7 so none of my friends or work associates would know she’s transsexual”.
Really??? That’s a pretty big dream, sweetie. Curious: why would an urban transsexual leave her whole life and support system to pursue this vista?
The only good news for guys with this dilemma?
Trans-women are now everywhere - including small towns. You might have to look 35 miles away to that nearby “big city” with 100,000 people - but there’s always a few around.
I grew up in a small town in western Kentucky. However, like most transgender women in similar circumstances - I bolted for a larger metropolitan area as soon as I was able.
I met a lovely DRAG performer after a show at a club and she gave me her phone number. What now?
The following letter from one of my readers describes a common occurrence for admirers visiting gay clubs in search of a transsexual female:
I wrote to you before. I've found info on your site very helpful. I'm really turned on by TV's and drag queens. (I'm really fond of you !)
Your help in approaching one in a club paid off tonight. I went where they regularly have floor shows with queens lip singing. One
was particular sexy.
I smiled at her while she performed, the crowd was not overly responsive, but she was great. Disappointed she stop after just two numbers. She said she was gunna stop and put her ass in the crowd and she who talks to her. I listened to that for sure. She wore a very sexy black evening dress.
After getting a drink at the bar she passed by and I said Hi. She kinda ignored me, but I was soft spoken and felt perhaps got her by surprise.
I went for a drink and she changed into another sexy dress more suited for mingling. I felt I followed your guidance , letting her know I was
interested, but not crowding her.
Shortly she turned up on the pool table watching the show from a distance. I approached and became nervous, especially what to say. I remembered you saying not to be too direct about how good she looked, and steered toward
casual conversation regarding lack of interest toward her set showing empathy.
Soon she said I was sexy and then I felt more at ease to compliment her. Strangely, as we began to speak other queens seemed willing to converse with me. I remained polite but keep focus on 'xxxxxxx.'
Her friend jumped in with something like 'is this the man your taking home'. It actually helped to relieve the situation somewhat. The conversation
opened up. One queen called me a tray. I asked xxxxxxx to explain. She said it meant trick. Remember I'm very green. When I asked her if see thought of me as a trick she said no. I told her she was very good at what she does, and she is!
She explained she was very tired and begged her roommate, another queen, to take her home. We made a date for Wednesday, when her roommate performs again. She plans to come as a man and take me home with her. Asking me how I felt about that I said I don't know, but I promised to show up. When she touched me on the chest and stuff, I got really turned on.
I hope its OK to dear Abbey you this and will understand if you can't get back to me though I hope you will.
Anyway here it is. I don't know how I'm gonna react and I don't think I'm gay unless getting really turned on by attractive queens makes me gay. She says she's a bottom.
Maybe I'm in denial but I don't get turned on by men. I get turned on by women, and probably more turned on by Tv's and queens
I don't want to lie to her or myself. I think I'd like to be a beautiful queen too, but like you if I did it, I'd want to excel at it.
Am I going to sleep with him? I dunno. Maybe I'm bi or gay, I really like her but will I like him. I'm a very honest man but as I explained to her I'm
She's beautiful and when she touches me I just about cum. (I'm trying to be serious not vulgar)
Am I lost now in a fantasy. Should I sleep with him to get what I want from her.
She explained she does the show for the money, but not just the money. Maybe I want to be her!?
Like you said she doesn’t have sex, he does.
Maybe I can get over that if he understand it's her I'm crazy about.
If he's a female in a mans body is it gay sex?
Confused aren't we?
I think the thing is to show interest but not move so fast.
Who's got the answers? A little direction from you would mean a lot to mean.
Answers to these many questions
Most DRAG Queens are not transgender. They are gay males doing female impersonation for fun and profit. Remember: being gay - is about sexual orientation. BEing transcoder - is about gender identity. Sexual orientation is about who you want to go to bed with, and gender identity is about who you want to go to bed as.
Thus, most DRAG Queens don’t desire to be intimate with you in female garb and persona. Many “Queens" are very feminine males. In an exacting way - you could define some as "gay transsexuals" - although that term is applied clinically to another family of the transgender community.
Some - if they really like you? They’ll adorn it the first couple of times to help you bridge this gap.
In general - most “queens" are very feminine males. In an exacting way - you could define most as "gay transsexuals" - although this term is used clinically for another family of the transgender community.
Thus, most think & act very much like "women". And they tend to seek much more masculine acting & looking "males". They know you’re straight and might humor your need early on. However, they need you to evolve into a classic masculine-gay guy with femme-gay guy relationship. I’ve seen more than one trans-admirer successfully make this leap. It often requires give and take from both sides to be successful. He - has to learn to see her in him all the time. She needs to be willing to apply her female presentation skills to the bedroom and added fun now & then.
Transsexuals I meet all seem jaded. They never open up: am I doing something wrong?
They’re jaded for a reason. Until they're convinced you're any different from the 1000’s of men that caused them such pain - you'll never get anywhere. That takes time.
A lot of guys are notorious for realizing they have a transsexual fascination, putting on a full court press of attention and romance - then subsequently “vanishing” back into their prior existence after they decide they’re not ready to make this a full-time aspect of their lives. Thus, is she perceives you’re such a newbie & just looking for sex - she’ll treat you accordingly.
I've seen an absolutely stunning transsexual in movies who adores her "boyfriend” but he seems like such a loser - I'm surprised.
First off, what a trans-woman seeks with love is different from what she does on-line, via film, etc. Those are created persona’s: characters…if you will.
Most transsexual women are attracted to very masculine guys that are total tops and who they share similar life paths and experiences.
Most TS women don’t chase wealth as often as there female counterparts.
I found a trans-girl that’s looking for a "husband". She's not full time but says she'd become so for me. Here's her web address. What are your thoughts?
Many early stage gals will post fantasy-based scenarios of becoming wives.
Loving someone enough to marry them is challenging under the best of circumstances. However, going through a gender transition with a partner would rank as one of the most challenging paths you could face in a relationship.
I know a few couples that made this journey together. If you survive it? You can survive anything!
However, I would strongly suggest you spend a good bit of time together exploring your compatibility and finding out if you’ll be “okay” being around her “male persona” - since she’s not yet full time. Some guys just can’t handle that latter condition.
I met an awesome trans-girl but she plans to fully transition to female = cut off her penis. That's just not what I want. What should I do?
Getting GRS is a very personal decision based upon a lifelong battle with gender identity. Also, as I discussed previously, not completing GRS leaves her in precarious gray-zone from a legal and health-care standpoint that adds lots of undo drama to her life. Also, lot of girls tire of using their booty as their vagina indefinitely when it comes to sex. Finally? Can you imagine the fear she faces if ever arrested or incarcerated?
Most full-time transsexual women dream of someday completing this aspect of their journey.
It’s not about you!
What if I encounter a TS woman outside of trans dating world?
The absolute best option - but also the least likely is meeting a transsexual woman at a typical straight club, tavern or social setting. There’s a large number of transsexual women living and operating seamlessly everywhere - particularly in larger cities.
Lots of transsexual women prefer the idea of meeting a man where the fact they’re transgender wasn’t why he sought them out.
Additional chapters Included in this section on this subject, include:
Connecting with a TS at "straight" Venues
The Dreaded First Phone Call
Meeting at Transgender Friendly Nightclubs
First Meeting with a Potential TS Partner
Also, her “tranny guard” is usually down in these environments. In typical dating mode? She’s all too aware many guys are just seeking a perverted trip versus a meaningful union. Also, anytime we first encounter someone in a social setting it gives us a chance to get to know them better - without visual prejudice. Thus, if you’re carrying extra weight that she might not find appealing with on-line photos - she might relish your fun personality and engaging smile and never notice the physical attributes.
Some transgender women much prefer meeting men outside any realm of transgenderism including my friend Lisa - a lovely and successful 33-year old transsexual woman living in New York. “I never get on transgender dating sites or visit establishments tagged as where transgenders hang.
Alas, most of the guys I met at such places were either secretly cross dressing or pursuing a fantasy of having a passable transsexual woman be a “top” for them sexually – neither situation was for me. I much prefer to encounter men in straight environments & deal with the subject if & when we find some common ground. I suspect some knew before I told them – I’m not flawless. However, most didn’t seem to know & only a few cared once I revealed my transgender history”.
What’s the big challenge meeting a transsexual during everyday life? There’s four obstacles to overcome:
1. You must become exceptionally skilled at spotting a transsexual in public.
Most of us lived full time as women for many years: we aren’t easy to detect at a glance. However, guys attracted to transsexuals usually become very talented at spotting trans-women. Still, you might be wrong: I’ve known more than one born-woman with deeper voices and larger hands that’s been perceived as transgender.
2. It needs to be in an ideal social setting.
If you notice her shopping at Macy’s and start following her? Well? That’s very creepy, unsafe and usually results in a monumental turn-off. Hitting on a TS woman at her job is usually not a good situation for either of you. Likewise, you might meet her at a fun tavern - but she’s with friends or a date. Thus, just because it's the perfect place doesn’t mean its the ideal circumstances. I talked with one guy who first encountered his TS girlfriend at a local nightclub - but it took almost a year of going back before he finally met her in a circumstance where they could talk. They’re together to this day.
3. You need to let her know that you know - without offending or outing her.
This is sometimes tricky but crucial since a lot of trans-women pass on potential dates when their pretty sure he doesn’t know and they doubt he would be accepting - like my friend Cat: “When I was single and dating guys, I can’t begin to count the number of men I encountered that although I enjoyed their company - I never allowed further contact, etc. Why was that? I didn’t want to get “outed” in one of my favorite hang-out places. Granted, a few people there were aware I was a transsexual - but most were not.”
If a TS woman met and liked you at crowded nightclub? She was probably immediately looking for signs you already realized she was transsexual. However, it’s unlikely she’ll disclose this in such a bar for fear you might out her to other patrons in a derogatory manner.
If you met and chatted with a transsexual at a bar and she wasn’t confident you “knew”? She’d rarely provide you further contact information because she just doesn’t want the potential hassle. However, sometimes? If the connection you shared seemed extraordinary? She might take that chance.
How do you open the door without causing problems for either of you? It’s a good idea to try and pull away from the crowd so you can speak more freely. Imagine if you felt you needed to share with a new dating interest that you have Herpes. Would you want to share that in a crowd while screaming at the top of your lungs just to be heard? No, I don’t think so. :)
Using comments that make it clear you’re very accepting is a good way to open the door for discussion. Comments like: “I’m very comfortable with my sexuality” or “I don’t care about a woman’s past - only who she is today” - are ideal cues to let her know you’re cool with everything. Another idea? When asking how often she comes to the particular place you just met her, ask if she’s ever been to a particular bar in your area where trans-women sometimes frequent. Some guys ask if the girl was ever a performer. That’s tricky - since some transsexual women get offended by being associated with DRAG performers.
Remember…if she’s into you? She’s actually wanting to see if you know - so it usually doesn’t take much to make things open up.
4. Your both must be interested
Almost forgot this essential ingredient. She’s got to be into you, as well. Lots of trans-women have a particular type of guy that most does it for them. Thus, all your hard work might be for naught.