Sex and the Part Time Transgender Girl
I visited a lot of my sister's home pages. However, I had yet to see any girl take the subject of t-sex - head on. ::)) Being somewhat of the Net's ask me anything t-chick, I've decided to do so. Those of you who know me personally would agree: shyness - is not the first word that comes to mind when you think of Renee. LOL
Additional Sections in this area:
How to Crossdress
Tips for Beginning Fetish Crossdressers
Crossdressing Tips - Beginners
Wig Selection, Care and Tips
Crossdressing Shopping and Fashion Guide
Tips for Taking Great Photos as a Crossdresser
Learning to Live Happily as a Part Time Trans-Woman
Tips for Wives and Girlfriends of Crossdressers
Sex and the Transgender Girl
It's actually quite amazing when you think of it. The main reason most of you are at my home page, is in some manner tied to your sexual desires. Most of us girls dress more and more fem, to make us feel more sexy. Why nobody wants to talk about the realities of sex is beyond me. Well actually - obviously - it's not! *Grin*
Fortunately for the reader, I've had some experience in the sex department. Unfortunately for Renee - it hasn't all been pleasant. I'm going to share what I feel will make yours better, based upon my adventures - and a few insights from some of my close girlfriends.
You may agree with some of my opinions - disagree with others. However, if you're relatively new to transgender related sex issues, you'll certainly walk away with some fresh perspectives.
Sexual Tips for Transgender Women
Sex between two transgender women
I was once one that was sexually attracted to certain other transgender girls. Essentially, if a girl was conscious of her appearance, smooth bodied, and has that special air of confidence, she was very likely capture my attention. Almost all transgender women begin their journey with a sexual attraction towards other trans-women.
Why is that?
It could be rooted in the fact we primarily enjoy & relate to transsexual pornography early in our journey. It’s only natural we would seek to make those visual fantasies a reality. It could be because we find what we’ve created sexually appealing & thus we enjoy the idea of being intimate with our own mirror. However, I think it’s mostly rooted in the fact we relate so directly with transsexuality & spent a lifetime being drawn to that image in our fantasies.
Regardless of reasons, it’s very common. However, there’s a few points you should keep in mind before you consider exploring this aspect of your sexuality.
quick points for new girls
Newer girls to the transgender lifestyle are often more promiscuous than more established trans-women due to the excitement they’re feeling over their new-found femininity. That’s natural. However, they often think all the other trans-girls are feeling exactly the same way. This is simply not the case. Just because you’re sisters in trans-femininity, doesn't give you a license to grab someone’s ass anymore than a stranger off the street.
Another issue along this same vein is confusing sincere friendship with sexual attraction. Lots of gals are peculiar about who does it for them sexually. For example: I, for one - have very unique tastes. That’s not because I think I’m inherently special: it’s just my wiring. On occasion, I had trans-girls whom I was friendly & playful misconstrue my attention for desire of intimacy. It doesn't take you long in your new femme role to learn what natal women mean about: how hard it is to make friends - who don't have a private agenda in mind.
Personally, I'll take a good friend over a lover any day of the week - the former is much more difficult to find. Be certain of the signals a trans-friend is sending before you do something that could ruin a special bond - it's simply not worth the risk.
what to wear
Wondering what to wear when you're planning on getting down and dirty? First off, regardless of how attached you might be to your little enhancers of hips and breasts, I'd suggest you give them a rest. Holding a girl who is padded to the gills is like caressing a linebacker - it feels less sexy to the touch. As much as you might look womanly - you'll feel far less feminine to your partner.
transgender - transgender intimate compatibility
The first key for a tg to find another girl they are sexually compatible with, is to look at themselves. I find this is the case with any relationship - but few of us do it. We all tend to do best with people most like us - both in personality & appearance. I've seen girls who make me look like Rover - rolled in shit. However, I have no delusions about them being sexually attracted to me as a woman.
I have found there to be various plateaus of attraction amongst tg's. The first is typically smooth bodied vs unshaven. For a lot of smooth tg's, getting intimate with another girl who has a hairy body - is a big turn off. I know a lot of you will never be in a position to remove your body hair, but don't be shocked if certain girls don't want to get off first base on this issue.
Second, is breast enhancement. Girls who have breast augmentation are often not attracted sexually to girls who don't. Most people who have gone this far in feminization are often seeking a masculine guy, a comparable TS - or a GG. Weekend cross dressers are usually not on their menu of desire. However, an attractive t-girl will be desired by just about anybody - c-cups or not! ::)) I have a lovely GF that dresses often and looks as good as any of us who is only intimate with girls with breast enhancements - and she often "pays" for this pleasure.
Third, and perhaps most important, is the degree of experience and comfort one has with being transgendered. A person who is new at the game, will likely get sexually excited by the simple process of being dressed. A more experienced girl rarely gets stimulated by just donning her silks. Nothing is more alluring than a girl who is confident in her sexuality - regardless of the other factors
Finally, is the emotional attraction one has with their potential lover - and how important this element is in their sexual satisfaction. Most new girls will regard this element much lower on the priority list. The mere thought of being intimate with another girl while they themselves are dressed is sometimes enough for them to explode on the spot. However, once the newness wears off from experience, you will likely discover you need that all important sense of comradery in order to gain maximum pleasure from sexual union.
For me, this takes time. I am much more likely to enjoy sex the second time around than I am the first.
getting down to business
As for actual tg/tg sex, there are a lot of options - just do the math! LOL Initially, I doubted that I needed to provide any detail on this matter. I figured most of you knew plenty about the sweet honey provided by the t-birds" & the "t-bees. ::)) However, after a box full of letters, I decided to add a new section here entitled the dirty deed. I really know more about how to have bad sex - than I do good. However, you'll find a few ideas there.
I've found the longest lasting combination is when sexual roles are clearly defined by the nature of each girl's personality. (i.e. top/bottom) However, this is not crucial. Two girls who know what they're doing, will always find an equation for bliss. There are simply too many avenues for pleasure.
One important issue to discern is how your lover feels about having photo's taken of them during an intimate situation. I've met people who are obsessed with their cameras. I think most all t-girls are voyeuristic - but that does not mean they will feel comfy with another person having control over images that are a bit compromising. A lot of girls have a number of discretion concerns they must always balance into their tg lives. Don't take it personally if they get upset about such a question. Such fun is related to trust - as should be any form of intimacy.
If you're a t-girl looking for a little fun, I can't preach enough about safety. First off, please, please, please don't ever engage in sex with out condoms for protection. No amount of sexual excitement is worth dying over. I personally hate condoms, but unless I know someone exceptionally well and have absolute confidence in the level of their promiscuity, I'm not about to have sex without them. The only person I'd ever have that much confidence in would be a spouse.
When it comes to your own personal safety, I really don't know where to start. Most importantly, never go off alone with someone you don't know well, to a place where you could remotely be in trouble.
Case in point: In Atlanta, we had a nut case on the loose for several years who was preying on t-girls known only as Handcuff Man. This little jewel would buy a girl drinks, treat her like an angel, take her back to his place, drug her drink, handcuff her to a pipe, sexually mutilate her, then pour gasoline on her and take out his lighter. Four girls in Atlanta lost their lives to this creep and several others were severely injured.
You never know...so don't risk it GF!
sex with masculine males
I have written this section as food for thought for my sisters who are or might consider sexual activity with a non-tg male. I've seen too many sisters profess no desire to ever be intimate with a masculine male in front of other t-girls - and end up on their knees in a bathroom stall that same evening. This is not, in my opinion, the best way to approach this potential craving.
Let's first consider some of the psychology behind your desires. A lot of you are hesitant to consider sex with a masculine male because it might make you feel a little too bi or gay for your own tastes. I understand this totally. However, when you are en fem - and deep in your feminine persona - you may at some point experience the urge to be taken by a man.
Every girl I've ever known (GG or "T"), eventually goes through what I call her slut phase. It's really a period of coming to grips with the empowerment of your femininity. It's when you feel a need to be desired - and like the idea of being able to pick when, where & how. It's during this state you can do some pretty stupid shit - I know I did. Be smart. Do as I say - not as I did! ::))
the right guy for you
Before you go looking for Mr. Right - at least in bed - you need to first consider: why would a good-looking guy be attracted to a girl like us? If you'll read my admirer profile section for meeting t-girls, you'll get a better picture of my opinion on the types of admirers you'll run into. Knowing the psychology of different potential lovers will go a long way in helping you find one with needs and desires compatible to your own.
The most common types are - unfortunately - latent cross dressers themselves. Most want to be intimate with you - by pretending - they are you. And you thought is was just going to be the two of you alone in bed. LOL Some girls prefer this type of guy, others can't stand it.
If you're attracted to men while en fem, you'll likely find a whole army of parties interested in humping your leg. ::)) Most are married - which is cool by me - they tend to be more appreciative of your time and offer less hassles. If you're finding your partner from "on-line" personal ads, get ready to be stood up now and again by Sir Chicken Heart. Sometimes I wonder where the concept of courage has gone in the male population. I'd suggest you only do this when you have alternative plans for fun if he doesn't show. It will alleviate a lot of potential irritation.
I'd suggest you limit your meetings to hotel rooms - at his expense - unless you know the person well enough to invite him into your home. That's a little too personal for a lot of girls - including Renee.
Most men are so concerned about indiscretion, they will want to provide you with no real form of communication. You might feel the same way. However, I want some verifiable means of retaliation in place if someone gets weird on me. Therefore, I'd suggest you explain your situation prior to meeting your male admirer, and confirm that you will have a way to reach him. As males, we tend to be less concerned about our own physical safety. As girls, you better make it a big time priority.
Many male/tg relationships are not based upon a long period of courting. A lot of girls will get to know a guy from emails, exchange photos - and eventually hook up under the total pretense that if all goes as planned, they will not be sleeping alone later that evening. This is somewhat understandable. Most girls can never seem to get out as often as they'd like. Unfortunately, it is trickier than a GG/Male union. Most of you have to go to great lengths to meet someone, apply make up, attire, etc. So I'll remind you again: whether your on-line sweetheart is another t-girl or a masculine male - don't bet the whole evening on them showing up or that you will be compatible - make optional plans!
If you are just in it for the sex, there are a number of considerations you'll want to take into account. Most t-girls that explore beyond heterosexuality, are only attracted to other t-girls. The problem is, they often set their sites on the loveliest transsexual on the planet. I've known other girls who only have sex with black males. Many find the typical lower amount of body hair and more "naughty" nature of this combination appealing. Still others will only be with a guy if a genetic female or another tg is present. This environment seems to make them feel it is more of a bi-sexual adventure" - rather than a gay endeavor.
Think through your criteria and stick to your plan. It's the knee jerk stuff that will cause you nightmares early on. Impromptu sexual adventures, are not advisable in this lifestyle early on - if ever.
I've had sex with basically every type of combination known to human kind outside of animals and youths. I've been with straight women, lesbians, & bi-women; straight men, bi-men, & gay men; hetero couples & bi-couples, transvestites, transsexuals, & sex changes - name it. I've had sex in each of these combinations with even more people involved - or just in the same room or bed. I am neither ashamed nor proud of all the things I've done - but I've certainly learned from each experience.
All in all, I've arrived at three basic conclusions from my experiences with t-sex. First, masturbating yourself to orgasm alone is underrated. Second, differences in the gentiles of your lover has a lot less to do with satisfaction than good old fashioned compatibility. Finally, being in love with the person you are intimate with - is the best sex of all - by far!
Good luck GF! ((hugs))