Tips on Meeting Other Transgender Girls
Where the fun of being transgender really starts
The Internet has made finding tg friends so very easy. However, I wouldn't limit my friends to just tg's. I'd also suggest you make at least a couple of gay friends - both male and female.
A lot of newer tg's seem hesitant about becoming friendly with gay males. This is a capital mistake. Most are very friendly and helpful - and will not be sexually drawn to you. If they are, most politely back off, if you say you are not interested. Gays are aware many tg's are not bisexual. What makes them special friends? They have already gone through the challenges of being "exposed" and are sympathetic to what you are feeling. I have many gay friends - but I don't consider myself gay - just adventurous! ::))
Additional Chapters in This Section Include:
Do You Already Know a Crossdresser?
What's Up with all these different labels?
Important Terminology in the Transgender Community
Additional Slangs and Terminology
Problems Associated with Transgender Labels
Telling Your Friends You're Transgender
Crossdressing in Public
Making Transgender Friends
Your Evolution as a Transgender Lady
Finding Happiness in a Dress
Almost every transgender woman has a presence on Facebook: whether she’s only privately exhibiting or been full-time for decades.
Please keep in mind that many of us that are living a transgender existence in the real world - with our families, our business associates & our old friends from high school often aren’t comfortable accepting your friendship request if your profile or publicly accessible images are risqué. Likewise, if your personal information includes data like “studied at sissy academy” or work “as a slave to your mistress” - many of us can’t ever add you as a friend. We’ve worked very hard getting those close to us to embrace our new lives, support our projects & take our efforts very seriously. They won’t understand many other forms of transgender expression. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do those things. Nobody was more “out & wild” regarding transgender expression then yours truly back in my day. However, I can no longer afford the negative fallout in my career or with my ear friends. Likewise, it’s not acceptable to go down such a trans-woman’s friend list & start as suing all her listed friends are transgender and start trying to “add” them.
Chatting on Facebook
A lot of people now use the Facebook chat feature to talk directly with other transgender people. However, please be aware a lot of us simply log onto Facebook each day to notice any new posts from family or to send an email to a work associate - and don’t have any time or interest in chatting
A word on friendship
Recently, I endured a situation where one of my friends was attacked a good deal by other gals on-line. I had more than one person contact me regarding my continued association with this individual. Those with class, understood when I said: I appreciate what you're feeling, but she's still my friend.
I count on friends to be there- when others would not. I feel that pretty much defines friendship. Acquaintances hang around for the free beers - friends hold your hand - in times of tears. If I disagree with something a friend has done - I will most certainly tell them my opinion in privacy. I'm not one to hold back any opinion However, I would never share such thoughts in a public forum where others could join in the triage.
I've found true friendship doesn't mean a great deal - until it is tested. It's sort of like the word trust. It doesn't mean much - until one is faced with a reason to doubt. This outlook on friendship was a trait I most admired in my parents. I consider it an honor to emulate this habit - as they watch over me from Heaven.
Unfortunately, t-girls as a general rule - don't have many good t-friends. Why? First, most potential friends have a deeper seeded sexual agenda in mind - even when they try not to. This sometimes hinders the development of strong bonds necessary for quality friendship. Second, many gals are not in a position to share their lifestyle with existing close unions from guy mode. Even those that have pierced this veil of secrecy - can't usually maintain the same level of communication with this old chum. Third, it's simply very difficult to find a good friend - no matter what clothing you're wearing. Differences between life outlooks, basic backgrounds and lifestyle, communication methods and skills - let alone sheer time - are but a few of the barriers awaiting a particularly good friendship.
I take friendship very seriously. I've made zillions of wonderful acquaintances amongst the t-community. However, I've made only a handful of friends. I treasure these bonds almost as much as my favorite earrings. *grin* You should too! ((hugs))
Transgender chat rooms
There are some great chat rooms specifically geared to members of our community. In them, you'll find first-time crossdressers and full-time transsexuals - along with everything in between. Following is a link to my favorite chat room.
Upon arrival, you can learn all the tricks to talking in the room - from the help area. I'd suggest you go there first. It'll make your experience more fun.
UrNotAlone has one of the most comprehensive registries of trans girls around and an active “chat room” - but the site is more for girls to connect as friends and for support versus a “dating site”. You can view the girls complete gallery of photos if you buy their affordable member upgrade.
Like every other chat room on the Web, you can talk both publicly and privately. Rather than tell you what not to do, I'll advise you on how to meet t-girls on-line, by suggesting you follow a style similar to that of Randi - one of my dearest friends who lives in Portland, OR. How does Randi do it?
She is always friendly - she always welcomes newcomers to the room regardless if they are fat, thin, have a picture or not, etc.
She is always courteous - she always responds to hello's, comments and questions.
She is in the area often enough to where girls get to know her. You can't expect to walk into a strange room and have people just jump to meet you. I think you'll find a TG chat room to be one of the friendliest places you could ever visit. But if you hope to really get to know others, you are going to have to invest a little time.
She doesn't interrupt people. Sometimes, unbeknownst to others in the room, girls are having a private conversation with a dear friend with private messages. Could be a family matter, fem matter, or just some "girl talk". Sending uninvited pm's over and over, is a quick way to piss off most any gal.
She doesn't throw out sexual innuendo's. There is a time and place to be sexually playful. It's rarely when you first meet a girl. If this is your thing, you will find gals who express an interest in such matters. How? They will include a note by their name that private messages (pm's) are okay or they will announce during chat in the public area things like Anybody want to play on the phone?. However, if you start pursuing such playfulness without an invitation - you will lose potentially good friends in a hurry.
Gals like Randi are what make you always feel so warm and welcome the moment your mouse enters the door of the TG Gallery. Try to emulate such nice people - and you'll garner more tg friends than you could ever hope to find. ((hugs))
t-girl chat lingo
You will likely visit home pages of a lot of t-girls - garnering ideas along the way. You might even visit a TG community chat room, as you use the Internet to explore your fem development.
First, let's learn some basic lingo you'll see in the transgendered community. There are literally hundreds of acronyms for surgical procedures and community slangs, but you'll hear these terms most commonly:
TG - Transgender
T-Girl - That's us sweetie! A transgendered male - but we get called lots of things depending upon where we are in the process, where we are heading with our transformation, and who says it. (i.e. Transsexuals (TS); Transgender (TG); Transvestites (TV); Crossdressers (CD); Trannies; Girrls; Drag Queens; She-Males; Lady Boys, and yes, even the infamous: "Chicks with Dicks" (LOL).
En Fem - You are en fem when you are dressed as a woman. Aka dressed.
En Drab - You are en drab when you are dressed as a man. Aka Bubba.
F/T or 24/7 - As in if you are asking someone if they live Full Time as a woman - or 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
P/T - A term for a girl that only dresses Part Time.
GF - Slang for girlfriend - a friendly way of talking to another TG friend.
GG - GG is a genetic girl or a girl born genetically as a woman. Also used as a complimentary term for an attractive tg.
Admirer - A person who is attracted to TG's.
HRT - Hormone Replacement Therapy - for girls who are taking hormones, and beginning the process of truly becoming a woman.
SRS / GRS - Sexual Reassignment Surgery - for TG's going all the way - know what I mean??
Using your new vocabulary
Now, all you have to do is learn how to write or talk in such a strange manner. In context, a sample use of your new found lingo - would go something like the following:
Do you know a T-Girl by the name of Renee Reyes? She's a TG GF of mine from Atlanta. Although she's P/T and en fem only about 10% of the time, she still looks totally GG. Her job keeps her en drab during the week. She hasn't started HRT and has no plans to go through SRS.
Sounds pretty cool, huh? And all true - except for that little white lie about me looking like a GG. ::))
Chat room politics
Ever notice how women fight amongst themselves? Well, welcome to the fray. ::)) Amongst the on-line community chat rooms, you'll find many nice people. Unfortunately, some will talk behind your back in a pm, just as quickly as they smile to your face in the open area. My advice here is simple: forget about it!
As a male, I've been on the national television talk show circuit, in magazines, newspapers, etc. Sometimes what people have to say about me is good - sometimes not. Nobody enjoys being spoken badly of - particularly when the comment is unfounded. Personally, I've learned to just ignore it. It's as simple as mind over matter - I don't mind - and they don't matter.
Besides, it's usually the same one's harassing me about something, that are quickly flipping off their computer when the wife's car drives up. Can you spell HYPOCRITICAL? LOL. Flakes are everywhere - as are snobs. Unfortunately, we have them in our community as well. Learn to just blow them off in all phases of your life.
Clubs & organizations
There are a wide variety of conventions where you can meet other gals and spend several wonderful days dressed in your favorite feminine garb. Most also include a variety of seminars, vendors - and of course - make over services. ::))
The largest and most fun is held the end of September each and every year in Atlanta, Georgia. SCC (Southern Comfort Conference) celebrated its 10th Anniversary in 2000 - and hosted about 900 t-girls from across the globe.
This event is often the watershed for many newer gals in terms of placing their transgendered lifestyle into their daily activities. It is also perhaps the best place in the world for one to meet other gals like you from across the country.
If there is a single event each year you should try to attend - this one is it! *S*
Local / national organizations
There are numerous local and national organizations offering support for a transgender lifestyle. One of the largest is Tri-Ess - a sorority of heterosexual crossdressers, transgenders, etc. They have local chapters which meet at area hotels for a weekend of feminine time and education. They are a great operation.
Home pages & emailing
e-mailing girls on-line
Another method of making new tg friends, is e-mailing home pages of other gals. I'd suggest you be patient here. If you are dealing with a very pretty girl, sending an e-mail can be nice - but it can take her forever to respond. A note in their guest book is the nicest gesture you can make. Everyone reads their guest book, and really appreciates your comments. A nice comment here, will often get you a better response than a blind e-mail.
Try to focus your e-mails on girls who seem to have a lot in common with you - and that are geographically desirable. If you are e-mailing for a particular reason - i.e. a question over something they discussed - please be specific with your comment. I always like to try and help, but I get frustrated when I can't figure out what someone really wants to know.
Try to keep in mind the gals that dress to express their femininity versus those that dress for erotic pleasure. Girls who are primarily transgendered - don't often take to sexual innuendos from strangers too well. Conversely, those that explore their t-ism for sexual gratification - often love such attention.
One final note in this category...it's been my experience that many gals are not quite as active in their transgender lifestyle as their home page might indicate. This is understandable. For many, their web page is a celebration in their womanhood. Never assume too much - it's not easy being a tranny! *Smile*
Building your own home page
Building your own personal home page, will change your t-life forever. It gives you a private place to build your own little t-world. It also provides a spot for friends to visit - and find you.
If you don't know html, and don't care to - no sweat! You'll find girls who will help you, as well as certain admirers - and a boat load of on-line support and information. Kevin Holland runs the best such free service, but he stays really busy due to the large number of requests he receives. You can visit his site and perhaps sweet talk him into helping you out. I doubt any one person has done more to help the cause of new t-girls on the planet. He's a wonderful guy!
You've got to get some basic stuff done before hand. However, it's really no big deal. First, you'll need photo's. I'm adding a complete section on this - with very secret I've ever learned about taking good photos - in my new on-line makeover area. No more excuses from that point forward. *G*
Second, you'll want to draft some summary information on yourself - your physical description, your outlooks, your experiences. I don't feel you should skimp in this department. The true friends you make on line might first be attracted to your photos but they'll most enjoy getting to know you - the person. Share as much as you can comfortably divulge - but try to give us a clear picture of the person buried beneath the make up. Finally, you might want to include if you are seeking anything (or anyone) - in particular.
I personally wanted to learn html, so I refused help early on. Incidentally, it took me ten times as long to get mine done - standard Renee procedure - screw things up before getting it right. LOL I'd suggest you get help. You can always change it later as your skill improves.
Incidentally, some girls hesitate to post on-line photos for fear of recognition by friends. Its been my experience this will never happen unless you tell someone or include backgrounds in your photos that some person might notice. I know you will likely see a lot of yourself in those pictures but I assure you - others won't!
If you travel, you will find the net a great resource for your t-activities. Not only will girls living in your targeted location give you advice on where to go, but some will meet you out - if you get to know them well before hand. Just try to write to them as far in advance as possible so they have time to respond and possibly join you. Also, including a photo of yourself might peak their interest a bit.
Part of the challenge of traveling with your fem persona is what to take with you. I select two outfits and the accompanying accessories for them. If I need something else - well - what a great reason to go shopping!