Surviving Bad Situations
My Story: The BeautifulUgly Girl
They just seem to get a free pass - never having to bear witness to the faces of horror. Others? What they survive turns our stomachs. My journey was a little of both. Here I share insights regarding minimizing emotional scars from bad life experiences and moving forward.
Tips for Surviving Social Isolation
Without a doubt one of the worst aspects of a gender transition is the resulting isolation. Old friends pull away & new acquaintances are overwhelmed. We’re self-doubting & confused. We face the insecurity of a young teen female combined with the outcast nature of a queer culture persona.
One of the absolute worst aspects of this phase? No one holds or touches us without wanting something in return. Loving touch is such an important human condition. I forever recall during this phase when a dear friend reached over & held me as we walked through a shopping mall. The impact of that loving touch reduced me to tears. I forgot what it felt like to be touched without condition. Human touch is crucial. Only those who lived without such contact are acutely aware of its essential nature.
Years later, a dear friend and I did sleepovers that included simply holding one another throughout the night. It’s challenging finding a healthy “hug buddy” without complication or agenda but it’s one of the most healing & fulfilling friendships you can form.
Tips for Surviving a Gender Transition
As transgender women, we’re forced to redevelop & redefine almost every relationship in our lives: from loved ones, co-workers - even casual acquaintances. I always tell people that “completing” transition is defined by when you eventually reestablish a quality of life comparable to that before transition. I’m not referring to the inner peace & happiness we usually enjoy by getting our bodies & presentation congruent with our heats & minds. Rather, I’m referring to reestablishing close relationships with life-long friends, a career path without major obstacles, adequate income opportunities to enjoy life, etc.
Alas, most improvements simply occur by the passage of time. When the front page story: “Did you hear Reynolds got a f**king sex change?” becomes old news buried on page 34 of section F - people eventually respond: “Yeah, and I hear she’s happy now”.
I include more detailed insights for overcoming the obstacles from a gender transition in my “Transition Guide”.