Essential Considerations for Transsexual Love and Dating
We’re unique: I don’t have to tell you that. However, we’re not as different as we sometimes think we are.
Here we’ll explore essential fundamentals to consider before seeking a perfect partner.
Most importantly: Who are you? When it comes to life and love…
The rest of these questions are trans-specific. However, based upon my research - it’s this obsession with trans-specific issues that’s hindering most transsexual women from finding and developing a true and everlasting love.
What are the most important issues to consider? The exact same issues for every other potential couple on the planet.
Values: Values play a huge role in who we are as people. Some people are honest beyond belief, others view anything that’s not nailed down as fair game. Knowing yourself in this regard and the related values of a potential partner is crucial.
Goals & Dreams: What do you want - from a relationship? What dreams do you have for the rest of your life? Long term relationships work best when two people are congruent regarding things they want in the future.
Want to be married? We’re almost at a pout where you can get “legally” married regardless of configuration. Are you marriage-minded?
Religion: How important is your spirituality to you? How would it affect your decision in finding a partner? Would be willing to embrace a partner devoutly different in this regard?
Retirement: What are your plans and ideas for winding down your life journey? Have you started planning and preparing for this step?
Communication gifts and issues: What is your greatest gift when it comes to nurturing and supporting a love relationship? Where do you often cause problems in this regard? What skills do you need / require from a partner in this regard?
Passions: Got anything you absolutely love doing? Passions create more colorful people. They’re also a powerful bond and way for two people to first connect.
Financial status: A gender transition is often devastating to personal finances. It completely wiped me out at one point. Are you back on track financially? How important is a potential partner’s skill in creating and managing income and assets to your life partner decision? Is this congruent with your previously stated goals and dreams?
Views on money & spending habits: This subject is more important than you might think since money-issues destroy more unions than sex-issues ever dreamed. Couples that agree upon savings and spending habits do best. If you or the other violates these agreements? It puts tremendous strain on the relationship.
Pre, Post and Non-Op Transsexual Genital Configuration
Nobody knows better than us the impact of being pre-op, post-op or non-op when it comes to finding potential love partners. With the increased proliferation of tranny porn - there’s a large number of men and women with a desire to explore a connection with a transsexual woman. However, most those laypersons associate transsexual love - as sex with a woman who has and uses a functional penis. We all know how far that skewed vision is from our typical reality.
When it comes to finding the most potential partners? A fully functional, relatively attractive and passable non-op transsexual woman whose open-minded to her partner’s sexual desires is in the highest demand. However, as a card-carrying member of that group? I know: it’s mostly perverts and people seeking fantasy fulfillment.
Where you are and where you going with your genital configuration is a very personal decision. That choice shouldn’t be impacted by any future dating options. Rather, we just embrace our dating options will be affected by our final decisions.
Are you a Top, Bottom - Versatile?
Laypersons tend to think “top and bottom” is about “whose sticking it to who”. However, the question is much more fundamental. When you lay down on a bed or sofa with someone special? Do you tend to naturally gravitate to be the person on top - or underneath? It’s usually a natural instinct - one we do without thinking.
Some people are fine either way - they’re versatile. Others? Feel completely out of sync if they’re not in their positional comfort zone. I’m like that: if I’m laying beneath another person? I feel smothered, trapped & uneasy - never relaxed. Thus, if I connect with another natural top? We quickly face challenges in bed.
These same roles often equate to whose the primary sexual aggressor - but not always.
One important issue to consider is whether you intend and need to remain or become highly visible as a transgender person.
Some transsexual women consider their activities and ongoing role in transgender community issues an important part of their identity and future. Others? Prefer a more stealthy, less trans-based personal existence.
Higher trans-visibility directly impacts any potential partner and causes a few to be off-limits.
Are you Functional?
If you’re pre-op or non-op, you’ve probably been on hormone replacement therapy and T-blockers for years. Thus, a lot of girls aren’t functional - and even find an orgasm anti-climactic. I was once that way. Five years following my orchiectomy? I didn’t care if I got off or not.
I subsequently discovered many of my preferred dating prospects found this aspect of my anatomy less appealing. Thus, rather than just say: that’s the way I am - I visited my urologist and explored options.
We tested and created a unique cocktail comprised of a monthly shot of testosterone, low-dose daily Ciallis and HRT. I freaked at first: my tummy & chest hair started growing quickly and my face became ruddy - took awhile to dial the perfect combination.
I’m once again fully functional and my orgasms are on par with my pre-transition days.
The point of my own journey is simple:
Sexual pleasure is an important and powerful human condition. It need not be minimized by our transsexuality.
Are you an Alpha or Passive Persona?
All of us tend to primarily be alpha or passive in our relationships. Alpha personas tend to prefer a first hand in all decisions - major or minor. Passive persona’s? They’re much more indifferent.
For purposes of friendship? Passive-passive and alpha-alpha tend to bond most quickly since they inherently get one another. However, when it comes to love? Alpha and passive tend to be the best match because of their complementary roles - essential to living and loving together for extended times.
Which one are you? Which type do you tend to match with best?
Are You Openminded to your Partner’s Sexual Needs and Desires?
Of all the traits partners of transsexual women struggle in loving unions - open-mindedness to their partners sexual needs and desires was at the top of the list from a confidential survey I conducted.
This paradox is surprising. We ask the world to remain completely open minded regarding our sexuality and gender identity yet we often remain constrictive with the person closest to us.
Let’s face it: as transsexual women we tend to be hyper sensitive to any sexual action our partner requests that make us feel they’re trying to put us in a male role. That’s akin to how some minorities get overly sensitive to issues that imply they’re somehow less than the majority. That latter circumstance is challenging enough in real world situations. However, in a bedroom? It’s a prescription for disaster.
We made it through our gender transition. No act or action is going to take us back to being male. Sexual pleasure is a dynamic beast that’s supposed to be fun. I would strongly suggest more girls try crawling off the pillow princess routine and become more sensitive and open to their partners needs, desires and fantasies.
You’ll both have more fun, be more satisfied and end up closer in that process.
Do you have any Essential Relationship Needs?
Some of us have essential needs: those requirements which are pretty much non-negotiable.
For me? That includes my gay male cat - he was here long before you - we’re a package deal. Also, while I’m about as sexually open-minded as any transsexual? I can’t embrace any sort of open-marriage / sharing / threesomes, etc. Tried it: didn’t work for me.
Everyone usually has “deal breakers”. Some are religion-based, most relate to relationship values. Some of us even have a particular fetish.
Just don’t confuse a need - with a want. We might like to say we need someone taller than us - but that’s more of a want. Are you willing to pass on the love of your life because they’re your same height? Yeah, when its put that way? Me either. :)
However, don’t be afraid to stand your ground on the essentials. You’re beautiful - just the way you are!
Chapters Includes in This Section include:
Finding Love as a Transsexual Woman
Essential Considerations for Transsexual Love
Cleaning Up Your Act Before Starting on a Love Journey
Early Stage Gender Transition and Love
Sorting Out Your Sexual Orientation as a TS Woman
Dating and Loving a Man - for Transsexual Women
The Secret to Finding the Perfect Man for Marriage - for TS Women
Lesbian Females with Transsexuals
Trans Lesbians: Love Between Two Transsexual Women
Transsexual Women that Love and Date Straight Females
Post Operative Transsexual Love