Transsexual Women Who Date and Love Straight Girls - Lesbian by Default
If lesbian culture, with those “residual male edge” issues and feminist styles aren’t working for you - yet you still prefer born-women - you might consider trying to find an almost “straight” female partner.
Straight Women are Most Accepting
Aside from religious zealots hell-bent on biblical interpretations of right and wrong, “Straight” girls are generally the most accommodating loving souls on the planet.
The strongest evidence in this regard? Look at the number of straight women who stayed married or committed to their male partner through a gender transition. There’s a large number of transsexual women still married or committed to the partner they were before transition.
Can you think of any masculine male who would stay with his wife if she decided to cut off her breasts, sew closed her vagina, create a neo-penis plus grow lots of body hair?
The Challenges Associated with Dating and Loving a Straight Female
While straight girls and transsexuals continue to represent the lion’s share of successful marriages in our community - it’s not without challenges.
Some of the more common issues include:
Forgive and Forget
If a straight female partner stayed connected with her MTF transsexual spouse throughout transition, she likely endured some emotionally devastating actions on the part of her trans-partner while she began sorting and exploring her newfound feminine sexuality.
As one counselor told me - “I’ve never known such a couple that didn’t face issues of infidelity along the way - particularly during the earlier phases of the transsexual partner’s evolution”.
To survive that?
A couple must be able and willing to seek and give forgiveness for mistakes.
She Needs to More than a Little Bisexual
In the best of circumstances?
A woman that ends up dating or loving a MTF transsexual partner has strong bisexual leanings. Ideally, she always liked women’s bodies and enjoyed the depth of communication - but still needed that male edge. For this type of female? A transgender partner makes an ideal mate. These bisexual leanings don’t have to be huge for this union to work - if everything else is a good connection.
However, if a woman has absolutely zero bisexual leanings? It often equates to disaster in the bedroom as happened to Melissa - who once dated a born-woman she knew well from before transition. “It was like she went out of her way not to touch or enjoy those aspects that made me female: my breasts, my buttocks. I gained a whole new appreciation of the frustration a woman might feel if she married a guy who was a closeted homosexual - they touch you differently.”
The Teen-Girl and Mom Conflict
There’s very few relationships more exhausting than a teen-age girl and her mother. Its at this point in their life and love that a mother begins teaching her daughter how to be a woman - while the younger version congruently starts establishing her rights and beliefs as a lady.
This same set of challenges can occur between born-women partners of transsexual women. Few transgender women are completely adept in creating and wearing entirely appropriate fashion: in terms of age-appropriate, event-appropriate, etc. A born-female counterpart will often struggle with this aspect of her transsexual - and that creates a basis for ongoing conflict.
In this instance?
The born-woman partner is usually right in most of her observations and and her trans-partner would do well to learn from her insights. However, it requires a bit of diplomacy since criticism affects all aspects of a relationship.
A Closeted Union?
Some straight women will never feel comfortable being “out” regarding their love with a transsexual partner with family, friends or co-workers. One trans-gal I spoke with invested almost five years into a straight woman before finally issuing an ultimatum: “Tell your family - or I’m gone.” The two split shortly afterwards.
Being “out” is a difficult process. If it’s not something your orientation wiring requires you do? Many people can’t or won’t muster the energy to cross that line.
Her Need for a Man
The most devastating challenge is if either party eventually realize they just can’t be happy without a masculine guy. Wiring - is almost impossible to overcome. Particularly, some straight women find they really miss having a man - hence the term straight.
“I thought her male energy and related ‘equipment’ would be enough but I was wrong. I missed having a guy in my life and bedroom. Granted, now that I have that again? There’s things I really miss about her” - said a 45 year old “straight” female that tried a three year connection with a non-op transsexual woman.
However, in one May-September union I interviewed - they decided to “share” a male lover about once each year to offset such needs.
Depending upon your values and circumstances? There’s often more than one way to skin a cat.
Problems with PDA
PDA - public displays of affection - are sometimes problematic with all same-sex relationships. Not everyone wants to see two men kissing or two women walking hand-in-hand. Some family members will openly discourage even minor affirmation in their presence.
Unique to female-female relationships - particularly when both are feminine and attractive - is male trolls turned on by such affection. As one TS woman shared: “We had just reached resolution over a bitter week-long disagreement and were holding hands from across the table at a restaurant - when a guy steps up and tells us we’re hot and asks if we ever allow men to join our fun. Can you imagine how he would have reacted if I had said the same thing to his girlfriend as they held hands and talked following a bitter fight. It was disgusting.”
Sharing Feminine Roles & Accolades
As with other same-sex unions, its essential both parties share accolades, traditional roles and related responsibilities. This is especially true with the transsexual / straight female relationship since both parties are usually representing as “femme”.
First step? Both parties openly reminding the other they’re “pretty” and occasionally sharing “opening a door” for their partner. These bits might sound grit but they add up quickly if not kept in balance.
Having spent a portion of their life as men - most trans-women are still more skilled with inherently “male” household projects: carpentry repairs, plumbing, etc. Most don’t mind maintaining those roles and its what some women come to absolutely adore about a trans-partner - getting the benefits of a man around the house - without the related drama.
Kids & Ex-Souses
Some women consider a potential transgender relationship off limits because they’re not comfortable with how their kids or ex-spouse might react. That’s sometime fair - depending upon all the circumstances.
Also, more than one trans-women & born-female couple kept their relationship hidden, at least for awhile. However, doing that too long usually begins to harm any loving union: just ask Romeo & Juliette! :)
Courts no longer allow ex-spouses to make complaints regarding sexual orientation / dating - although such relationships can stir unwanted drama.
The Primary Breadwinner Challenge
Many straight women still look to their partner for being the primary bread winner for a household. Since lots of transsexual women become financially devastated from transition, they’re often unable to fulfill this role. “I always felt inadequate in that situation” said one transsexual woman after two years of trying to make a union work with a straight gal. “I know it was probably more my issue than hers - remnants of my male lineage. I felt if I couldn’t take care of her financially? I felt I was letting her down.”
Chapters Includes in This Section include:
Finding Love as a Transsexual Woman
Essential Considerations for Transsexual Love
Cleaning Up Your Act Before Starting on a Love Journey
Early Stage Gender Transition and Love
Sorting Out Your Sexual Orientation as a TS Woman
Dating and Loving a Man - for Transsexual Women
The Secret to Finding the Perfect Man for Marriage - for TS Women
Lesbian Females with Transsexuals
Trans Lesbians: Love Between Two Transsexual Women
Transsexual Women that Love and Date Straight Females
Post Operative Transsexual Love