The Secret to Finding the Perfect Man for Marriage - for Transsexual Women
While writing this section, I interviewed a wide cross section of women: natal-females that were happily married to men, trans-gals that were married to men and trans-gals that were single but wanted to be happily married to a man. I also interviewed married and single men. I was looking for what was different - and the same - between prototypical male-female marriage and love versus with transsexuals.
The results? Some fascinating observations and discoveries I subsequently articulated into what now call:
“Rules that happily married born-women know…that transsexual women need to learn”
Hope it helps…
Rule #1: If You Force a Man to Lie? He’ll Lie
Men tell lies: big lies, medium fibs and little tall-tales. We know this: nothing new.
However, an important lesson is not to force your man to lie. In that instance? Everything’s an untruth.
How do we force a man to lie? Simple: tie his response to whether he has a chance for sex. In those instances? He’ll tell you anything and everything you want to hear versus what he feels or believes.
Transsexual women are notorious for spelling out highly specific sexual rules, needs and wants at the beginning of any potential relationship with a man. Also, we often hear what we want to hear. We tell a new man he can’t touch or “play” with our male appendage, that we’re always a bottom, etc. We smile with glee that this man agrees completely and describes how he feels exactly the same. Two months later? Our exciting new relationship is over - just like the one before.
What went wrong?
We forced a lie…
The other common forced lie occurs with trans-gals only look for guys that didn’t know she was transsexual when they first met.
Why do we want this? Two reasons - we’re sick of dating typical tranny-chasers and it's a huge ego boost at the start of new love.
But they didn’t know or at least suspect? Come on, ladies: it’s 2013! This is no different from the gal who forces a guy to guess her age or weight. Do you really think they’re telling the truth? Come on...
As transsexual women, we’re notorious for dictating our sexual needs and wants to men at the onset of a new connection. That’s problematic for a couple of reasons. First off, men will always tell you exactly what you want to hear in exchange for the possibility of sex. Thus, if you provide him a detailed playbook from the get-go…are we under the delusion he’s not going to agree with us regardless of reality if he thinks that might get him laid? Please, GF - we’re talking about men!
A better approach? Don’t volunteer your own needs so quickly. Listen closer to his. One transsexual woman who got sick of dating guys that eventually wanted her to top them took an opposite approach: she told guys that was her biggest turn-on - then watched and waited for a tell-tale squirm
An even better approach? Don’t get so wrapped up in sexual issues at the start of a relationship and make friends with “Rule #2”.
What’s rule #2?
Glad you asked…
Rule #2: All Good Men are Sexual Perverts - Get over it!
All good men are sexual perverts. Why’s that? Men are much more sexual creatures than women - just goes with that high-testosterone turf.
For example? Out of the ten happily married women I interviewed as part of this process - eight privately admitted fulfilling their guys desire to sometimes being penetrated anally. For several? It’s a constant request.
However, if you ask just about any transsexual woman to do that for a man? We usually get very offended - like we’re being sent back to some version of a she-male plantation.
Guess what, ladies?
This - has very little to do with us being trans. It’s just men - and their never-ending desire for sexual pleasure and variation. It’s not a transsexual thing: it’s a guy thing!
We gotta get over it!!
Ironically, the other two men - who didn’t need or want such stimulation from their female partner? I know from personal experience - both have a high propensity to “cheat”. Thus, I’m assuming most guys that are 10o0% top? It’s because they can’t ever find enough places to stick that thing.
The bottom line?
Most good guys are sexual perverts. We need to embrace being more open minded when it comes to sex with a man if we want to increase our likelihood for developing a successful marriage.
Rule #3: Get Your Marriage Partner Criteria Straight
Speaking of successful marriages, there was a monumental difference between what healthy born-women and their transgender counterparts discussed when talking about finding potential marriage partners.
For born women? Those requirements were commonly rooted in issues known to have a big impact on marriage success: shared dreams, goals, religion, family and children, views on money, etc.
Almost every transsexual woman? We started off talking about looks, height and if he was top or bottom.
Am I the only one that immediately gets how childish we’re being when it comes to love, sex and marriage?
Both groups agreed on the importance of physical chemistry and the power of a good kiss when it comes to new love. But if we’re looking for marriage material? We need to prioritize our thoughts on issues that affect marriage versus fixating upon our insecurity with being transsexual.
Rule #4: Men want you because you’re a woman with a penis: duh!
Old joke from one male interviewee: “If women didn’t have pussies? Their would be a bounty on all their heads.” The point of that tasteless humor is that men are driven to marriage by the unique sexuality of a woman - their vagina, breasts, hips, long hair, softness, etc. The same thing happens to men naturally wired to transsexual women - we’re their thing.
If you’re a TS woman who hates her male appendage or is already post-operative? You can skip over the rest of the info in rule #4.
However, if you’re non-op or pre-op and into men? Then of course he wants you because you’re transsexual. Obviously, he would prefer if you’re also stunningly beautiful, cook a mean meal, don’t spend too much money, etc. However, its naive to think a man’s primary motivation for attraction isn’t rooted in your sexuality. Don’t ask a man - not to be a man: men sexualize all relationships with women. If they didn’t? Our species would have died out long ago. Although you might not like it - it’s something you’ll have to naturally love about men if you want to make a union work.
If that’s not for you?
It’s time you looked into being lesbian!
Rule #5: Don’t make him pay for your past hurts
We trans-women tend to hold dear the pain we endured during transition as if we’ll someday be expected to share every slight in a contest amongst transsexuals over “who had it hardest”. Seeking forgiveness and letting go of past hurts is essential to success in new relationships: particularly with men.
I’m assuming you already explored your past unhealthy dating habits that we discussed earlier and didn’t attract the same problems as before. Men get hyper sensitive when being compared to other men - don’t do that!
Rule #6: You can’t be actively doing Porn or Escorting if you want to find a husband
I know…this sounds incredibly obvious but bear with me: it includes some essential data. No guy I interviewed was willing to get serious with a transsexual gal that was actively doing porn or escorting. If you’re doing such work, your chances of finding a high quality male partner for marriage is almost zero.
However, it was the women’s insights into men in this regard I found especially tale-telling.
Men discussed how important it is for them to openly and subliminally establish to the world that this one is their girl - when they truly fall in love. They can’t do that if their sweetie is in the sex trade.
The born-women’s observations in this regard were powerful. “Most men can’t handle knowing their wife has been intimate with more than a small handful of male lovers.” Is it a competition issue or virginal instinct? Not sure…but when it comes to marriage material? The agreed upon number of former lovers needed to be around “four”. Thus, wise women spent the rest of their married lives skirting this issue if they once enjoyed a healthy dose of slumming.
Just food for thought…Hugs!
Chapters Includes in This Section include:
Finding Love as a Transsexual Woman
Essential Considerations for Transsexual Love
Cleaning Up Your Act Before Starting on a Love Journey
Early Stage Gender Transition and Love
Sorting Out Your Sexual Orientation as a TS Woman
Dating and Loving a Man - for Transsexual Women
The Secret to Finding the Perfect Man for Marriage - for TS Women
Lesbian Females with Transsexuals
Trans Lesbians: Love Between Two Transsexual Women
Transsexual Women that Love and Date Straight Females
Post Operative Transsexual Love