The Ten Most Common Gender Transition Traps - and How to Avoid Them
Few gals made more mistakes in their transition than yours truly. Mine was a disaster in many respects - leaving me destitute and homeless during my trek. I finally made it to a happy and healthy life as a woman - but I certainly wouldn’t recommend following my mistake-laden path.
Here we’ll explore mistakes I made and those I’ve seen hinder other trans-gals.
We want your transition to be more successful!
Transition Trap #1: A Stalled Transition
A “stalled” transition is our most common setback. It’s usually caused by a change of economics - loss of a job or a post-transition income plan that’s not working out.
Betting on some new, “big deal” that’s going to fund your surgical costs or ignoring the real costs of transition before you begin are typical root causes for this setback.
A gender transition is expensive - and requires lots of time and money. If you’re serious about becoming a female, you’ll need to dedicate yourself to finding a job you won’t lose during that process, remain attentive to those work commitments during the evolution and keep your priorities straight.
Its not easy.
Transition Trap #2: Apartment Tranny’s
There’s a more recent stalled transition phenomenon amongst transgender women born during the internet age: whose female life is almost completely maintained from on-line associations. - known as “apartment tranny’s”. While the Web offers incredibly detailed access to essential tips for transition and connectivity to the transgender community - it can also serve as a partially fulfilling substitute for “life as a woman” - that does’t yet exist in real-time.
I was once a card-carrying member of this dismal group. Learned the hard way that happiness is actually derived from close associations & authentic interactions with other humans. Also, when most of our trans-life is revealed on-line? Our presentation skills diminish accordingly: we get lazy with our feminine voice, we lose touch with the importance of our mannerisms, etc.
Take advantage of on-line associations but don’t build your life around them. You can’t hug a CPU screen or enjoy a lovely dinner with a mouse.
If this you?
Get out of the house, GF. Face the world, start improving your skills and make new friends. You won’t regret it.
Transition Trap #3 - Letting go of “First Tranny” Syndrome
Another common trap for beginning transsexuals is getting wrapped up in being the “first” transgender woman to accomplish some special thing. I get it - there’s not enough accolades to go around and every human needs to feel special. However, the payoff is shallow.
I made this mistake early-on. Honestly? Nobody cares.
I found it much more important to undertake goals because you love what you do or appreciate the difference it will make in the lives of others - not because you think it will make you seem special in “tranny land”.
Transition Trap #4: Imagining You’ll Become a Beautiful Sexual Goddess
Another devastating trap is approaching transition like a sexual fantasy - imagining yourself as some desirable, hot chick.
If you haven’t already logged hundreds of hours in public “as a girl” and gotten past the excitement and drama of being trans - you could face this dilemma. Even then - I’ve never known a trans-woman who didn’t at some point subsequently question if she made the right decision by transitioning - it’s that overwhelming.
Most of us dream of someday becoming a stunning transsexual woman who owns every room she walks into. Reality? Most of us end up like very other woman - average beauty.
Being “pretty” is a trap for any woman but even more so for transsexual women. Being “beautiful” - is about enjoying a balanced and loving life with close friends and family, relishing your passions, spiritual balance, and making a difference in the world.
Also - sexually speaking?
Transsexuality usually sucks. This is hard to imagine for most beginning trans-women - who think passable transsexual women are incredibly hot and sexually appealing. The rest of the world usually doesn’t take so kindly. Also, once you block or remove testosterone from your process as you complete transition - you’re not feeling much sexual desire, regardless.
Transition Trap #5: Stopping Halfway and Turning Back
Perhaps the most devastating trap is stopping half-way, then turning back. This is often because a poorly executed transition financial plan or some unforeseen circumstances. However, its also sometimes rooted in the afore mentioned “fantasy” approach.
Transition? It’s usually devastating - emotionally, financially and personally. It often wreaks havoc upon every close association in your life. Thus, it tends to be a lonely course.
How bad is it?
Do me a favor: take this test...
1. Take out two sheets of paper.
2. On the first sheet? Write down the name of every friend you’ve ever had or still do
3. Write down the name of every member of your family
4. Write down everything you own
5. Record your present income
On the second sheet?
1. Record everything you owe / debts
2. Note everyone who doesn’t like you.
Take the first sheet and fold it in half. Then fold it in half again. Then, fold it one more time. What you now see is likely what you’ll have during transition. Oh, the other sheet? It remains untouched - stays the same.
If your transition is a success? You’ll slowly begin unfolding that first sheet: reestablishing relationships and rebuilding assets.
The only way this works is if you approach it all with a solid financial plan, and a mind for persistence and patience plus some very thick skin.
Do those attributes sound sexy?
No, they sure don’t. Thus, if you’re motivated by a sexual fantasy?
You might ruin your life by starting this journey. ((hugs))
Transition Trap #6: Staying in Genderland
Another common trap - particularly in a post internet / Facebook society is continuing to make transgender friends & acquaintances your primary source of social interaction.
This is akin to a gal still hanging out with high school or college friends long after graduation. Transgender-wise? It’s immature and self-limiting.
Transition: by definition - is a state of change. During those monumental fluctuations its only natural to connect and bond with others facing similar plights. However, once you’re nearing the end of that journey - its time to strike out into the “normal” world of men and women. We live in a binary society of male and female. As transsexual women, we chose to change our role to female. Thus, eventually you must become female. You can’t do that by constantly hanging out with other transgender people.
As a woman, there is no “transgender lifestyle”. The sooner you realize this? The better! Steer clear of becoming more involved or reading debilitating trans-comment strings on Facebook.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t be completely disassociated from the transgender community or not be active in issues regarding transgender rights or causes. However, if you finding yourself getting drawn into ridiculous discussion threads regarding these same issues on a daily basis? I can assure you it’s slowing down your growth to a fulfilling female existence.
Fair warning: it’s hard to walk away from all that sensation.
I know…rebuilding a new cast of close friends & a healthy routine in the real-world in the face of inevitable discrimination & unsolicited opinions, isn’t easy.
However, it’s the healthiest road to your female future.
Transition Trap #7: Look at me: I’m transsexual
Another common issue that will delay your evolution into a healthier life is a preoccupation with letting everyone know you’re transgender versus just being a woman.
I called this my “look at me” phase - and yes, I once did this, as well. It's usually exhausting to everyone around you and very shallow. People are not nearly as fascinated by this process as they often kindly appear and the subjects get old in a hurry.
Try to get past always talking about all things transgender. Ready some other books: learn additional noteworthy subjects, spend more time asking about your chat-mates fascinating life journey.
In other words?
Learn to drop trans-talk from your dialog. ((hugs))
Transition Trap #8: Force Feeding “I’m a woman”
This is one of the saddest traps. We all faced some iteration of this issue along the way however it occurs most severely when a wealthier transsexual woman tries to buy her femininity through an onslaught of FFS & femme-enhancing surgeries. I’ve also seen it with gals that hurried towards GRS thinking that step will finally make them female.
Remember that ten-year transition learning and life-curve prerequisite I discussed previously? There’s really no way around it. Some gals get there faster because they were already flaunting a highly femme-persona before transition. A rare few were just so incredibly feminine at the onset - most people already saw them as almost female.
For the rest of us? It’s a long and grinding journey. You are exactly what you appear to be. Surgical enhancements are helpful but being completely embraced as a woman is about how you move, how you act, your voice, your fashion style and appropriateness, and your warmth. The gatekeepers in this regard are other women: not men.
Rich people can’t buy class any more than a transsexual woman can “buy” her way into being female.
Transition Trap #9: Why won’t somebody help me?
Why won’t other transsexual women reach out and help you? Because it’s exhausting! Also, many are still completely overwhelmed rebuilding their careers, etc. Unfortunately, steps 7,8 and nine are just as overwhelming as 1,2 and 3.
When you seek advice? Ask very direct questions: don’t ramble or she’ll likely quit taking your calls.
Transition Trap #10: Assuming Others Had it Easier
It's easy to assume other gals somehow had it easier than you in this process.
You notice another transsexual with much less muscular loins & a more feminine frame and mutter to yourself: she’s got it much better than me.
Before you draw that conclusion I would ask you recollect your own childhood: were you ready for all these changes then? Could you have handled them? Don’t assume the younger girl in front of you was any more prepared than you were at that age. Have you ever stopped & talked to another girl & listened to the challenges from her own journey versus anxiously waiting to interject your own history and why it was much more difficult.
Most highly feminine & slender younger transsexuals already paid dearly for that progress: constantly being picked on as young teens, always being the last one chosen to participate in contests - the gamut.
Nobody’s got it easy in this journey. At some point, everybody pays to live the dream.
Chapters in This Section include:
MTF Gender Transition Introduction
Secrets to a More Successful MTF Transition
Non-verbal Female Communication Skills
Five Keys to MTF Transition Success
Ten Most Common MTF Transition Traps
Finding an MTF Transition Mentor
Choosing Your New Name as a TS Woman
Total Stealth for MTF Transsexual
Surviving an MTF Transition
Five Mistakes Transsexual Most Often Make with Transition
Success with a Partial Transition
Transgender Depression and Suicide
Shortcuts to a Successful MTF Transition
Final Steps to MTF Gender Transition