More & more women identifying as lesbian are in relationships with transsexual women. They usually match best with transsexuals completely finished with transition. Why’s that? Lesbian women rarely find a less evolved trans-woman appealing. Any residual male edge: in attitude, style, touch and communication is usually a big turn-off for a lesbian female. In fact, being post-operative is a distant second to being completely refined as female - according to lesbians I interviewed.
What’s often good and bad in this union?
Before we get to that…
Also, if you're looking for insider tips trans women? These other free site articles might provide what you're looking for:
Natural Women Attracted to Transsexuals
Lesbian Women Attracted to Transsexuals
Women Who First Fell in Love with the Man Before Transition
Problems for Women Dating Transsexual
Trans Love Concerns: Will She End Up Wanting a Man?
Transgender Lesbians: Trans Women with Trans Women
Additional Main Chapters in this Area, include:
I Want to Marry a Shemale
Transsexual Girlfriend Guide
Finding Your Transsexual Girlfriend
Meeting a Transsexual Woman
Telling Others You Have a Transsexual Girlfriend
A femme girl who can repair the plumbing
What some lesbians most enjoy about their transsexual girlfriend is how naturally she switches roles. Lots of lesbians talk that game: few gals deliver on it. Transsexual women are almost always femme in style and presentation but some redefine butch when it comes to intimacy or home repairs. For some lesbian women? That combination is emotionally intoxicating.
No Residual Male Edge
The most common challenge for lesbian women considering a transsexual women is whether she’s evolved to a point where there’s little or no residual male “edge”. This was the biggest complaint from most lesbian women that considered or tried dating a transsexual woman.
“To me, she still had the male ‘indifference’ when it came to love. Can’t stand that about men and couldn’t handle it with a transsexual woman either”.
“She stuck her tongue down my throat during our first hot kiss, that just wasn’t going to work” - said another lesbian woman after her first date with a trans-woman. Not aggressively using your tongue is but one of a zillion of male nuances lesbians notice and sometimes dislike when dating transsexuals.
For some transsexual women, this new level of “judgement” regarding their femininity doesn’t work. “I got sick of it,” says Marnie a 57-year old Missouri TS woman. “Who died and made lesbians the gatekeepers of deciding whose actually female? Every time I turned around I felt I was being judged - like the fact I have to wear a wig or still occasionally shave my neck and face.”
That’s not surprising, after all transsexual women go though to legally become female - learning to pass, function, etc. - pretty much the last thing any of us want is another woman telling us we’re not female enough.
There’s also some lesbian cultural prejudice. One ten-years-married lesbian and trans woman couple I met chose not to disclose to other lesbians that the one was transsexual. Lesbian prejudice against transsexuals seems most common in larger cities - where the cultural accepts of being lesbian is more important to community members.
This same cultural barrier is what caused Tina to be relatively unsuccessful with finding a lesbian partner from on-line dating resources. “That - wasn’t going anywhere. I found my wife at a lesbian social function - where she saw first hand my personality, style and essence. Let’s face it - a lot of transsexuals seeking lesbians on-line are almost a ‘man in a dress’ - I don’t blame most lesbians for hesitating”.
Femme Relationship Orientation Seeking Femme Lesbian Partners
Another common challenge for lesbian women first dating transsexuals is role & cultural based. Since most transsexual women that now identify as lesbian were once heterosexual males - they often still evaluate potential mates by outer femininity and traditional beauty versus female essence. However, most trans-women also envision themselves as highly femme - and prefer to take those same roles in a loving union. This often sets up a tough equation for finding a lesbian partner since most that match that physical criteria (femme’s) - are often seeking a female partner who will assume the more traditional male roles in a union (butch).
Femme, butch, top, bottom, roles etc. are generally waning in queer culture as people more freely just consider the best match - period. However, they do still exist on a fundamental basis and you would be wise to realistically consider your needs and wants in this regard before dating.