TS Dating Gude

America's Foremost Transgender Woman



1rencomn01


The Most Important Step to Transgender Happiness


How do you make this work…long term? Here we visit a real-life example that’s actually quite common amongst men I’ve encountered that are into transsexual women. It follows with my advice and commentary.

Additional chapters Included in this section, include:

Transsexual Girlfriend: Picking a Match
TS Dating - How to Find the Best Match
TS Girlfriend Dating - The Ten Best Options
Transgender Dating - Common Mistakes
Tranny Dates - How to Succeed
Shemale Love: What's Most Important?
TS Dating: Answers to Common Questions


Twenty Years of Secretly Loving transgender women…where do I go from here?
Transgender Dating

Here’s a real letter from an admirer whose been dealing with his attraction to transgenders for almost twenty years and is trying to resolve the classic adage:
"Where do I go from here?"

This is a common question - lets jump right in:

His Letter


Dear Renee,

I just carefully read your Admirer's handbook for the third time. It's a fantastically comprehensive collection of material on a subject not usually well researched or publicized. Brilliant and thanks.

TS Girlfriends
Obviously, I find parts of it highly resonant with my own situation, which in summary is:

I'm 50, fit, married, professional guy that's also well paid. I enjoyed dressing as a boy but gave it up completely at about 15, to focus on girls, sport etc - I've never gone back but still find the thought of it erotic I've always been turned on by glamorous, feminine TG girls (and silk/satin, lingerie etc) and women.

After getting hooked on the internet TG sites like URnotalone in late 90s, I started dating TG ladies about 5 years ago. I guess I've met about 50 TG ladies since then, many only once (as chemistry didn't work), but about 10 I've had sexual affairs with, including two long relationships with full-time TS girls (one married). In those sexual relationships I'm always top (although only had "A" with four girls), but happy to give/receive "O", love kissing, etc. In all of these relationships, I've had friendly and deep social contact as well.

It's not just about sex - I cant get into one-off or sex-only relationships. I've never been faithful to any of these girls, although I'm safe/discrete, etc. and don't promise anything different from the onset. I adore meeting new girls, although I also love seeing one or two girls regularly. I have also paid for a lot of things to help them - clothes, rent, breast augmentation, legal fees etc - I guess about £30k across 3 years. I also pay young TG prostitutes occasionally to give me BJ's.

Tranny Dating

All these events are undercover of my work so only occur midweek. On weekends, I stay home (although I use internet chat lines to set up dates and keep in touch with GF's). My sex life with my wife is poor - she complains, I masturbate a lot. I also date regular women occasionally, although I've not had sex with them (but I would).

So I guess that classifies me as an experienced Eroticist? Or does it?
I also cant decide how to proceed in my life - whether to give up my TG admiring and find a different compelling hobby, or whether to leave my wife and explore my TG life further, or whether to move-in with my beautiful 29 year old Pilipino TS GF and be faithful to her.

IMG_1473

To be honest I don't really need to decide now as I'm having fun and I've just about figured out how to make this lifestyle work. And I don't want to hurt people, particularly my wife and daughters.

So, I'm interested in your views on my 'classification' and whether you have any views or experiences from others that could help inform me. Thanks so much for your time - I really appreciate it. And you are stunningly beautiful - so wonderfully feminine and stylish your partner is so lucky.

Sincerely,

Secret Lifestyle  
IMG_9484

My Response


Dear Secret Lifestyle…


Yours is a very common occurrence & problem amongst transsexual admirers. You already wisely observed half the solution in your letter's closing, namely:

If it's not broke? Don't fix it

I commend you on your honesty regarding the trans-gals you dated. Most men aren't quite as balanced & straightforward in that regard.

IMG_2399

Additionally, your willingness to help-out financially scores high marks. Transition is brutally expensive: both in terms of the expenses associated with the physical transition and the opportunities lost in most careers. Thanks for your kindness to others.

What’s wrong with where you are now? You’re having fun - you’ve got everything: why change that? Going full-time with your love of a transsexual woman might convolute lots of your present happiness. Thus, what you lose might more than offset what you gain.

I’m a huge fan of the concept: If it’s not broke: don’t fix it!

Try revisiting the girl inside you

Most guys attracted to transgender women are actually girls themselves. They're most drawn to that gal who exemplifies everything they wish they could be "as a girl". Thus, the relationship is actually a vicarious experience.

Shemale Sex

What these men don't understand is that they can look pretty as a female. Any male - can be made to look decent as a girl - if only in darker lighting. High quality temporary transformations are possible with any size & shape. It’s a skill set - and one that lots of very masculine looking guys pull off to perfection all the time.

Most men with an underlying desire in this regard always look back & say: "Why did I wait so long to re-explore this side of myself?"

IMG_5211

Know why transsexual women never want date a beginning cross dresser? There’s an old adage in the trans community: What’s the difference between a cross dresser and a transsexual? About five years.

Full-time transsexual women know that many beginning crossdressers will discover they can look great as women and also that some will desire to go even further. Going further? That means “transition” - a very brutal and long-lasting process no full-time gal ever wants to re-live - even through another person. Hence, the hesitation.

Dscn8601

I'd almost insist that you at least try this vista before contemplating any long term, more commitment-based association with a full-time transsexual female. I suspect you’ll eventually discover lots more happiness!

The Most Common Type of Guys into Transexuals
 
Which one are you?

Guys attracted to transgender women have been given a wide variety of terms & labels over the years – some not very complimentary. The term “Transsexual Admirer” was born from the earlier days of transgender existence when girls where almost always performing in clubs as a means to support themselves. Admirers provided attention and even varied forms of financial support. It was & is a term of respect that cast such people beyond the realm of the tranny chaser.

Admirer Types

Although it's progressing at a geometric rate, real-time transsexual relationship exploration is still fairly new. Thus, beginning admirers (also called “novices” in the transgender community) constitute the lion's share of the market. This early-stage allure is typically more sexual-based than similar female-admirers. That's because it usually takes men longer to reach a sense of balance & acceptance of their transgender desires.

Additional chapters Included in This Section Include:

TS Dating Attraction to Transsexuals
Transgender Date: Transgender Sexual Orientation
Sorting Out Your Sexuality with an Attraction to Transgender Women
Transsexual Dating: The Five Most Common Types of Transsexual Admirers
"Accidental" Transsexual Orientation
Are You a Guy Who Secretly Fantasizes About Becoming a Woman?
TS Dating: Common Traits Between TS Women & The Guys Who Seek Them
How TS Admirers Evolve in Their Attraction
Date a Crossdresser: What Men Tend to Like Most About TS Women
What Men Tend to Dislike About TS Women

Amongst these beginners, it's been my experience that there's five core-types of admirers pursuing their trans-orientation issues. Actually, most individuals are actually a combination of one or more grouping. Some people? They relate to almost every category. However, you'll rarely find an early-stage admirer outside these basic parameters.

It'll help immensely if you can determine which group you identify most closely.

Dscn8601

Why?

Because that'll eventually help us find the perfect trans-girl for you.

Beginning Male Admirers

Almost every beginning male admirer is primarily drawn to trans-females on a sexual plane. Their approach might be to first befriend such a prospective lover before attempting a roll in-the-hay. However, a varied approach isn't a root change in desire: it's just a difference in style.

Almost every male admirer is drawn to that unique blend of masculinity & femininity that makes up the presentation of transgenders. Their exact equation for how much of each component is known as their personal recipe for a trans-dream partner.

TS GIrlfriend

Let's explore the five core types of beginning male admirers:

The Hidden Bisexual

This individual fits the old-school model for transgender attraction discussed previously. Alas, in our world of increasing freedom of sexual expression - they're less common. It's just not that big of a deal anymore - at least compared to historical norms - to privately admit gay or bisexual leanings.

Still, such men do exist.


IMG_5432

These individuals exhibit strong bisexual tendencies but are uncomfortable exploring those leanings with a traditional male. They see a pre-operative tranz-female as the ideal bridge. The tranz-woman tend to represent an ideal middle ground - the smooth, soft femininity of a woman coupled with the intensity of a man - among other things. 

The Timid Bottom

Even as a growing number of men are confident exploring bisexual or gay fantasies, there's still plenty of them that can't readily admit their need to assume the traditionally submissive or yielding role in a sexual union. Nothing tends to offer these individuals more intensity via fantasy - than the thought of a sexually submissive role with a stunningly beautiful non-operative transsexual female. The bottom line? These men are most attracted to feminine beauty and being on the bottom.

IMG_3132

Unfortunately, this is perhaps the most challenging admirer persona when it comes to ever discovering sustained, real-life satisfaction. Why's that? Because so very few t-girls sexually identify as "tops".

Some of these men can eventually unearth pleasure with the right smooth bodied, very attractive guy or a DRAG queen that's willing to humor his needs.

Transgender Women

For the rest?

Real-life associations will probably be some combination of professional escorts & trans-pornography.

The Latent Crossdresser

The next group is what I term the latent cross dresser. These men are actually t-girl's at heart, but for whatever reasons...be it their lifestyle, their physique, their access to appropriate cross-dressing tips or transformation services, or their fears...they have not - and may never cross the line of full feminization. They'll usually wear lingerie on occasion or at least get very turned on by the thought of doing so.

Transgender Dating

Additionally, men who fantasize about being submissive to a t-girl usually fall into this category. They often dream of being forced into femme - as a vehicle for letting go of their masculinity - and not being held personally accountable for that action. Their attraction to transgenders completes this vision. Thus, their intimate desires often equate to a vicarious experience of being their trans-female lover. Isn't the human psyche an amazing device?

A lot of beginners fall into this category. It's very common: even a quasi-normal fantasy for straight males.


IMG_4830

So what's your chances of finding an attractive trans-female that wants to feminize you? They're almost nil. If a gal is drawn to the lesbian scene...why would she chase a neophyte in a skirt? Female-female connections are about a lot more than clothing. If she wants a man...she usually wants no competition about whose the girl in such a union. The only exception to this rule? If you're a very feminine, young smooth-bodied guy & a gal finds your potential female-image appealing.

For most of these men to find satisfaction? The solution's simple: shit...or get off the pot.

Dscn8001

You can either learn how to transform yourself / pay someone to do it for you....or - you can pay an escort to humor your desires.

The Emerging Trans-Girl

A more extreme version of the latent cross dresser is the emerging t-girl. These men are more in tune with their feminine persona. Some, are even more feminine at heart than the trans-girls they encounter. Their biggest hesitation with progressing with a fully feminine transformation is usually a fear they could never look remotely feminine.

Transgender Dating 02



Fortunately, that's changing.

With easy access to transformation tips & services provided via the internet, this group tends to evolve & develop their alternative feminine persona much faster than ever before.

IMG_1706

These men are not usually quite as intent about a sexual encounter with a trans-women. They'll often profess a desire to date or even wed a transgender female from the onset. There's a deep-rooted need within themselves that's not being met. They usually think a committed relationship with a trans-woman would fulfill this requirement.

FYI...it won't.

The Eroticist

The final core group amongst beginning male admirers is what I call the eroticist. You might even term these men as sexual fanatics. *Laugh* Simply stated - they love just about everything that adds zing to a sexual encounter.

Trans-females represent some pretty unique real estate. If variety's the spice of life, these gals can serve up the whole pantry of sexual flavoring. 

Ren-ADM-MF

Most of these men exhibit some bisexual tendencies but prefer female lovers. Notably, they're often very oral with women in their lovemaking. These individuals are usually not seeking any sort of long term trans-relationships. In fact, they typically get bored with one girl very quickly - as variety's a big part of their satisfaction.

Intermediate & Advanced Male Admirers

While almost every beginner is first drawn to transgenders on a purely sexual plane, some men develop a much deeper connection. Continued real-time experience is the most common precursor to this evolution. The man who continues to be drawn to the transgender lifestyle after having already explored his earliest trans-fantasies comes to know the person beneath all that make-up. During that process? This man discovers something special - about himself.

IMG_6038

Within this realm of more experienced admirers, you'll usually find a couple of camps:
  1. Tranny Chasers
  2. The Serial First-Timer
  3. The eroticist plus
  4. The transgender partner

Experienced Tranny Chasers

Experienced tranny chasers have been a big part of the admirer community for as long as any of us can recall. These guys are all about NSA (no strings attached) fun with transsexual women. That’s not to say they don’t want to develop a friendship & most certainly keep up with valid phone numbers for the next time that have a trans-craving - but they’re not looking for any sort of relationship of the heart.

Many have been doing this for lots of years - often because they’re married.

Dscn8061

The Serial First-Timer

Experienced transsexual admirer’s learn some transsexual women prefer a guy whose never before dated a transgender. Thus, some of them create a fictional story about this “being their first time” with every new transsexual they meet. They leverage their prior experience - telling her what they think she probably wants to hear.

The problem with this approach? If you ever meet a gal you really like she’ll eventually discover your game - and that will end the connection. Trans-world is a relatively small universe. It’s hard for a secret to stay secret - for very long.


The Eroticist Plus

The second type of advanced admirer is what I call the eroticist plus. These men are first attracted to the erotic nature of a trans-female but in that process find themselves with a more formidable devotion to transgender relationships.

IMG_5341

Notably, these men are often highly independent thinkers: they needn't read the ingredients on a box of cereal to determine if they like its taste.

Because they're more experienced in transgender relations, they'll often form a long-term and special bond with one or more trans-women. Alas, they're usually not interested in a totally devoted union since their core basis is still primarily eroticism. Circumstances can also inhibit their degree of commitment. They might be already married or face severe limitations upon their lifestyle.

Transgender Love 03

I'd venture to guess these men are nature's equivalent to the growing number of more experienced part-time gals in the trans-community. As the number of these t-girls continues to grow, so does some of their sexual palettes - including a desire for masculine male lovers.

IMG_5986

The Transgender Partner

The world's pretty much in agreement that for every action in our universe, there's an equal and opposite reaction. In my opinion, the transgender partner - represents the masculine equivalent to the male-to-female transsexual. They usually began their attraction based upon sexual leanings. However, almost immediately these men move beyond that realm. Like their transgender brethren they first resisted their urges, then mustered the courage to fully explore their desires, then subsequently languished over them, studied them & thoroughly contemplated them.

IMG_0757

In the end?

They come to realize: they're stuck with this wiring.

As with their transsexual equivalents, there's wide variety in terms of how far they'll actually go towards making these preferences mesh into their everyday life. Lots of factors influence these decisions & how quickly they occur, including:
  • Geography - affects the sheer number of available transgender dating opportunities
  • Generational - younger men are less likely to be overly stressed by associated societal influences
  • Family Issues - both the impact of nearby relatives and / or if the admirer has young children
  • Career - men in careers that would most likely be negatively affected by disclosure.

IMG_0940

Notably, it appears the number of transgender partners is growing in almost direct proportion to the number of full-time transsexual women. It'll take time for the process of effectively connecting with ideal partners to improve. However, the natural evolution by both components as a result of heightened connectivity & awareness from the internet is worth noting.

Which Transsexual Admirer are You?

Many of you probably associate with more than one of these classifications depending upon your mood at the time. However, I think it's important to be honest about which category most resembles your desires and leanings. You needn't disclose it to anyone, but your degree of honesty will exponentially increase your likelihood of pleasure. I assume that's why you're reading this section in the first place.

Dscn8272

Why's it so important to determine where you are? Each group tends to have different desires in a t-relationship than the other - both personally and sexually. These unique desires equate to different types of t-girls that are most compatible with your wishes.

Only you know what you really feel. Thus, lying about those desires to yourself will cost you dearly in the pleasure department.

Part of the challenge in finding a quality transsexual is that you've got tough competition, namely - genetic females and other trans-girls. Alas, most trans-girls are first attracted to women, then other transsexuals. Many are not interested in a sexual relationship of any sort with a masculine man.

Rayvonne - August - September - 05 110

So...if you're ready to embrace these bad odds, ready to endure lots of rejection, ready to do some things you might even regret...then read on to the next sections: I'll share everything I know.