Finding Happiness a Transgender Woman
Where I’m going?
I've come to understand how shallow Renee was early on - makes me feel more like a real gal every day! LOL Looking like - and spending time as a woman - might be one of the visible results of transgenderism - but it's not what this is all about. Perfect appearance is one of those traps we must fight to stay clear of throughout life. This whole process is really about enjoying the inner splendor of femininity and balancing this inner beauty with your male self.
Middle tranny syndrome
Upon reviewing Renee's own needs & wants - I saw problems. I did some research on-line, but found most good data was orientated towards gals going further with femininity than Renee planed. The rest of what I unearthed focused on how to survive - versus achieving inner happiness. I've got survival down pretty pat - I want more than that!!
From a physical beauty standpoint - I'm pretty much at the end of the line. For those of you that don't know - I'm 39 years old - and it's all down hill from here. LOL I already feel like the prototypical 40 year old woman. This, of course, really pisses Renee off - since her feminine emotions are more like a 20 years old. She keeps blaming that guy for bringing her so late to the dance. LOL
If you feel comfy taking the advice of a girl who is not yet even old enough to drink - read on. Just remember, I warned ya! ::))
As much as most new girls might think otherwise, it's easier being happy in the earliest stages of transgenderism than later. Why? Because your goals are so much easier to measure. For instance: learning to apply eye liner, achieving a specific weight loss target, being able to stroll through a mall in stealth - all these issues are easy to identify - if you have achieved success.
Even gals going all the way have it easier in my opinion. Their goals continue to be fairly measurable - becoming a woman. Achieving measurable goals (provided you really wanted them in the first place) is very rewarding - and you know when you get there. If I had intentions of living full time as a woman or becoming one - my list of measurable goals would be long enough to keep me busy for years ahead.
Ladies stuck in the middle - like Renee - are left to identify more qualitative goals for the balance of genders and a sense of inner peace and happiness. We gals are pretty much the middle children of the t-girl family. Quite frankly, I feel we've been left out of a lot of meaningful research and assistance regarding transgenderism. Never mind the fact we make up its silent majority.... (tapping my toe at researchers)
The internet is causing t-girls to start dealing with middle tranny issues at a much faster pace than ever before. Why? It's so easy to garner tips, shop online with discretion, meet others like yourself, get advice on specific challenges, name it! Only five years ago, (let alone the 50 before that) if you wanted to do more than dress in lingerie - you had a very tough time finding quality tips on transformation. Now, it's just a click away.
The result of this readily available data is that many gals go from closet crossdressers to glamour queens - in only twelve months - or less. I've witnessed this phenomenon first hand - as I've seen gals evolve through their photos on-line. The speed of improvement in their feminine appearance can be mind boggling. It's amazing.
A common axiom (with a touch of humor) from the past was: The only difference between a TV and a TS - is about five years. Of course, this running joke referred to the evolution of many gals years ago. Not anymore...The Internet is changing the evolutionary clock of gals just beginning to explore their transgendered natures in earnest.
This growth is causing a massive increase in the number of middle child t-girls - those with fewer remaining measurable goals to achieve. Additionally, many of these techno t-girls don't possess the depth of experience that others gained by being forced to take more time in their feminine evolution. They've blown through their list of easily measured goals so rapidly, that they've not yet had the traditional time to adjust themselves to what this means to them - and their lives. I liken it to watching a movie - versus reading a novel. The former is quite enjoyable, but you miss many of the deep insights a more in depth read unearths.
As a t-girl gets better acquainted with both transitioning skills as well as confidence in her - her sexual excitement from being dressed tends to drop in a virtually inversely proportional relationship to her skill in feminization.
Some sisters quickly become convinced they want to become a woman on a full time basis. However, many are basing their decision on a newfound euphoria from alternative gender expression - and pleasure.
As t-girl's, we tend to grab the cream from the feminine top. We grow up without female puberty, fears of pregnancy, womanly insecurities...the list is endless. Additionally, with a part time gal like me - most of my feminine agenda consists of getting dressed up in hot clothes, going out to fun dinners, and/or hitting night clubs all night. What woman wouldn't have fun - if she did that for a living?
What we can't do is undo any of this rapidly growing this phenomenon. I believe these new age gals are the key to society better understanding and accepting transgenderism. They will most certainly make up the largest group within the transsexual community in the years ahead. The sheer number of girls, the quality of their appearance, and the myriad of high level people who dress - will be difficult for mainstream society to dismiss. I hope I'm around to see it in the years ahead.
Until the day arrives when one can express their femininity without issues, we will all have to battle some age old challenges with transgenderism. Fortunately, the equations for happiness have not changed with this growth in technology.
The seven habits of very happy t-girls
1. Master the challenge of balance
Part of the challenge of happiness is discerning just how far you want to go with your transgenderism. Unfortunately, this tends to be a moving target. A lot of early stage girls have dreams (or at least fantasies) of becoming beautiful women. “Once they get a real taste of their femininity, they often want to go further and further. Naturally, this intensity can scare the living hell out of everyone around them. Giving an inch - and taking a mile - takes on a very graphic representation. LOL
Keep looking for middle ground, sweetie! It will be tough - I know!! Just as quick as you steady the scales, you go and lose some weight, get some great new clothes, garner a fresh hairdo idea - and the pressure builds up again - throwing the scales out of sync. It is certainly a lot easier to fit life's clothes - once you are fully grown than when you are sprouting like a weed - literally and figuratively. LOL
Keep trying for balance hon - it's the key to transgender happiness.
2. Even more balance
We don't live in a vacuum - although my house could sure use such a constant cleaning force. LOL. We live with others - and our desire to explore and live with our transgenderism will tax and test our close associations. Your initial approach to explore your "hobby" has likely been to constantly push people out of town - or take trips alone - or hurry loved ones to bed - so you can get your fem time. Trouble is, you are subsequently distancing yourself from important relationships and creating a rotten barrier to communication.
Seek balance with your transgenderism with those you love. This is certainly the toughest balance equation to achieve - but the one that will carry you the furthest in your goal of happiness.
3. Did i mention balance?
Sorry to harp on this point GF, but it's a lot like retail success stories. No matter how good a concept is, its bottom line is most directly tied to - location, location & location. The same holds true in our t-happiness. Unless we are planning to pay someone $20,000 to cut off our balls (try saying that out loud without slightly wincing - LOL), we are forced to contend with the never ending process of balancing our two genders into a functional and pleasurable life. And I almost forget: there is a guy we need to talk about.
Each of us has a myriad of prerequisites necessary to keep a smile on our face every day. However, for most of us, the list of core elements that make up our smile equation is relatively short. As we grow as gals, the priority of items on our smile list rearranges - sometimes violently - as we continue our quest in this experience called life. Your man will have needs as well. As much as you might like to forget he is in there when you're wearing a dress - if you short change him - he'll make certain she is rarely happy.
If you are truly a middle tranny child like Renee,
you will have to find alternative ways to express your sense of femininity outside of wearing garters and silk. It's really not as hard as it first seems.
Remember hon, you don't have to wear a dress to be a lovely female - just ask any real woman!
4. Stay clear of Eden
I don't consider myself a religious person. However, I enjoy a decent sense of spirituality. I believe there is a loving power in the universe, which plays a key role in the make up of all living things. I'm equally certain there are so some bad elements at work. I'm absolutely certain of this latter statement - because they visit me so damn often. ::))
After much thought, I've arrived at the following conclusion. Adam was tempted by the apple. Eve was tempted by something other than Adam's apple - and ended up getting laid in the process. We t-girls start with an Adam's Apple - and a burning desire to look like Eve. Basically - we're screwed from the onset. LOL
Years ago, I saw so many dear friends ruin what could have been outstanding athletic careers with performance enhancing drugs such as anabolic steroids. Within the transgender community, I've had to endure watching the same thing with t-girls experimenting with black market female hormones. Both provide changes in your body, both are readily available, both can have irreversible results, and both are associated with a feeling of inadequacy. There is a reason female hormones are not available over the counter - and you need not become a poster child for why this is.
Female hormone therapy serves a very useful purpose when administered under the watchful eye of experts in physiology and psychology - not street vendors. Stay clear of life's short cuts GF. The rule is simple: there ain't no free lunch!
5. Rely on the woman
Starting your fem life as a man can be such a bitch! There is so very much to learn besides lipstick and rouge. I found talking for the sake of talking to be challenging beyond words initially. Now, I can "chat" anybody into the ground. LOL
My transgenderism has been a great source for better judgment in matters of life. Guys tend to use the wrong tools when making key life decisions. They forget life is not a forever thing - and decide matters with their head versus their heart. Renee taught me that just being happy - is more important than acquiring things that are supposed to make me happy. I trust her opinions in this area implicitly.
I also suspect her judgment is enhanced by not letting her opinions get as affected by her friend - a couple of feet south of her heart - plus or minus a few inches here and there. *grin*
6. Closing the book on your sexuality
Had a few experiences yet as a woman with sex? How bout those fantasies 'sis - does it take the really intense ones to really get you over the edge? Well don't feel lonely. We're in the same boat. ::))
Do you remember a rather average girl in high school everybody called the slut? I now know exactly what that girl was feeling. She didn't have the great looks, she didn't have all the trappings - but she found a lever that would move the world - sex.
Sex is without a doubt one of the most powerful forces in our universe. Anything with that much force is going to cause its share of pleasure - and pain. You can get "pleasure" from all forms of sex . However, happiness in this category is more a function of finding your real sense of sexuality. Take the time to consider each sexual opportunity in terms of if it will make you happy - versus simply provide pleasure. Those five fingers can get you there just as quick - and save 'ya a ton of potential hurt.
As men, we tend to get obsessed with being such studs - what a f***ing waste! Practice does not make perfect in this department - as being good at sex - is not the same as enjoying it.
7. Think - for yourself
A lot of what you have read here is based upon my experiences: Renee's life - and her personal equation for happiness. Although the format I've developed might serve as a decent outline for your own trip towards ecstasy, your equation is yours to discover. Discovery requires hard work, lots of dedication - and a great deal of thought. I believe one of the most underrated activities in life - is thinking. I treasure my think time. Take the time to explore that pretty little head of yours. Inside every gal is the equation for a lifetime of happiness.
The same elements that existed on our planet that left us struggling in caves, now have us isolating electrons for use in our computers of the future. The answers to super computer conductivity were always right in front of us - it just took a lot of concerted effort to find them. All the answers for your happiness are not in your body, your waistline, or your bust - but right inside that gray mass positioned between your favorite pair of earrings - and that pounding organ about a foot south. ::))
I hope you come to love yourself more than anyone else in the world. Trust your heart and your own convictions. Take the counsel of people you respect, but never put too much credence in the so-called experts. Remember: the experts once thought the world was flat and that the moon was made of cheese.
I'd never purposely steer a sister astray, but believe me when I say: everything you'll read here may be wrong.
Need a say more? Go get 'em girlfriend!!
Additional Chapters in This Section Include:
Do You Already Know a Crossdresser?
What's Up with all these different labels?
Important Terminology in the Transgender Community
Additional Slangs and Terminology
Problems Associated with Transgender Labels
Telling Your Friends You're Transgender
Crossdressing in Public
Making Transgender Friends
Your Evolution as a Transgender Lady
Finding Happiness in a Dress